Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: Winterfell, Reprise

The beginning of the end, friends. Before I go any further, can I just say: what the fuck is with this show and burning children!?!?!? This was the 5^th one (unless I’m forgetting any)! I mean, the amount of crispy adults far outnumber the kids but this is Westeros and valar margulis and all that.

Season 8’s opener was primarily a functional one, because there were 78263498763948567 reunions and introductions to be made, and a lot of artistic mirroring to be done. I’ll mostly structure this recap in terms of the reunions, beginning with Arya.

ARYA AND THE HOUND

The last time these road trippin’ pals saw each other, Arya abandoned the Hound to die after Brienne of Tarth kicked him off the side of a cliff in combat. “I robbed you before that,” Arya adds charmingly. The Hound warmly informs her that she’s a cold little bitch (ten bucks says Maisie Williams gets that as her final GOT tattoo) to have survived for this reunion to have occurred, and wistfully leaves the forge area with his new Dragonglass axe, courtesy of….

ARYA AND GENDRY

Arya was defending the quality of Gendry’s smithing skills when she confronted the Hound – this reunion was slightly more awkward, somehow, because when last these kids saw each other they were, well, children, and now they have seen some shit and are of an age where sexual tension might be an obstacle in boy/girl interactions. I don’t think (or at least – I fucking hope) that these two will be coupled up, but there was a bit of discomfort realigning themselves to each other, because when they parted ages ago, she heartbreakingly told him "I could be your family." He then followed: “You wouldn’t be my family; you’d be m’lady.” So he calls her again, as they fall back into their economic class disparity banter while she asks him to create a double edged weapon of Dragonglass for her. He rightly wonders why she would need such a thing, since she’s got the Valyrian steel Catspaw blade – but a lady is entitled to her secrets.

ARYA AND JON

This is the reunion I have been waiting years for – I fully admit I shed (several) tears. Jon and Arya haven’t seen each other since the day he left for the Night’s Watch, when he gifted her Needle and told her to “stick’em with the pointy end.” These were the two siblings who cared most about each other, neither caring much about convention or birthrights and titles. Their hug directly mirrors the jumping one she laid on him so long ago. She proudly shows him Needle – but doesn’t in detail share how many people she’s killed with it when Jon asks her if she’s ever had to use it (the situational irony in this episode is delicious!). So then must Jon show her Longclaw, because Game of Thrones is nothing if not a metaphorical dick measuring contest. There’s much for the two to share about their lives in the years they’ve been apart, but there’s not time for that now – I hope there will be later in the show because I’d love to hear her tell Jon about her massacre of the Freys.

CERSEI AND EURON

Just as a concerned Qyburn rushes to tell Cersei the Night King has breached the Wall (which she takes as good news) - Captain Fuckboy makes good on his promise and returns to King’s Landing with the Golden Company (sans elephants, much to Cersei’s chagrin) in tow. He’s followed through on his end of their bargain, which is why he’s so cranky when Cersei initially refuses to put out. I’ll give her this: “If you want a whore, buy one, if you want a queen: earn her” is one of her better quips. But strategically she knows it’s better to just screw him, which she does off screen (eternally grateful, thanks writers!), and Euron is characteristically repellent and gross after, asking if he was better than Robert and Jaime, sleazily rubbing Cersei’s belly, telling her he’ll be putting a prince up in there *vomits*. The most important takeaway from this scene is: Cersei takes a big ol’ swill of wine in order to tolerate Euron, which confirms that she lied to Tyrion and Jaime about being pregnant (if you recall – that was how she tricked Tyrion into guessing she was pregnant last season – refusing to imbibe).

YARA AND THEON

Poor Yara is still tied up on Euron’s ship, having been there since he captured her what must have been months ago on the show. He laments to her before making port that he and she are the only Greyjoys left with balls. Eunuch humor is hot this episode. While Euron is living his best life screwing Cersei, Theon and company kill everyone on board the ship (pretty dumb cutting out everyone’s tongue, Euron – none of them could scream warnings to each other) and rescue her. She reacts accordingly by head butting her cowardly brother, and then helping him up so they can skedaddle. Few people can take a beating like Theon Greyjoy – fucker keeps on getting back up, though. Yara determines that Theon really wants to go and help Jon Snow up at Winterfell, which it seems he’ll be doing now that he’s freed his sister.

SANSA AND TYRION

Woo boy – this reunion had me like:

If you go on technicality, Sansa and Tyrion are still married, legally speaking. It was never officially annulled because as Tyrion points out – she disappeared at Joffrey’s wedding, which led to Tyrion’s arrest for regicide. Sansa seems mildly apologetic at best, which is why I still can’t fucking stand Sansa Stark. Because in actuality, being Tyrion’s wife spared her from god only knows what during that horrific year she spent down at King’s Landing. He never tried to have sex with her (unlike her second husband, who raped her on their wedding night – and probably more than just that once), and he never beat on her or mistreated her. In fact – she ran off with the very scumbag who would sell her to Ramsey Bolton. Tyrion doesn’t deserve her scorn. However – she does rightly call him on his shit for falling for Cersei’s pledge to help the north, because duh! “I used to think you were the cleverest man alive,” she says before slinking away. Coming from the slowest learner in Westeros: ouch.

SAM AND JORAH

Let me just say, the ham-fisted logic of this scene is enough to make you roll the eyes out of your head, if you think about it more than even a smidge. Sam is up in the Winterfell library – despite the fact that his best friend has just returned home, he doesn’t meet the royal retinue with the rest of the manor, and as we find out later – Jon doesn’t even know Sam is on the property! SO HOW THE FUCK DO DANY AND JORAH KNOW SAM IS IN WINTERFELL!? Ahem. Anyway – Dany and Jorah make a point to find Sam and shower him with praise for curing Jorah of his greyscale so he could return to the Khaleesi’s friendzone. Everything is going wonderfully until Sam mentions he swiped some books from the Citadel along with the Tarley family sword and would like a pardon for it. You guys… the faces though! Dany and Jorah did a decent job managing their cringe expressions but internally it was: SHIT SHIT SHIT WE DONE BURNED YOUR FAMILY, FUCKING HELL WHAT DO WE SAY? It played out like something out of an Abbott and Costello skit, or that part in Robin Hood: Men in Tights when Robin is asking Blinkin about the well-being of all of his (dead) loved ones:

Dany: Uh, gee, this is awkward – your dad refused to bend the knee, so… he was put to death.

Sam: [wtf!? Okay – dad hated me anyway, whatever] Oh, well… understood, at least I can go back home and visit my brother.

Dany and Jorah: …….

Sam: ….?

Dany: ….your brother stood with your dad, so.... my bad.

Sam: Oh. I, uh… can I take a minute? *runs crying from the room*

Dany: You do you, Sam!

A horrible way for Jon’s ladyfriend and bestie to meet - which is why Sam and Jon’s reunion isn’t as sweet as it might of have been – more on that later.

JON AND BRAN

Jon’s reunions are the most gut punching. When he lays eyes on Bran – whom he hasn’t seen since Bran’s coma after Jaime pushed him off the tower – you can see his heart jump up into his throat. Bran was just a helpless little boy, then – now he’s a man, Jon comments. “Well…almost,” Bran replies. Hahahaha! Three-eyed raven humor! Jon and Bran weren’t terribly close before their lives diverged, but now they are possibly the most important people on this show, in terms of magical mishegas. Bran and Jon are the two people most intimately acquainted with the Night King, after all. We didn’t see more than this initial meeting (in which Bran also awkwardly blurts out at Dany that the Night King has zombiefied Viserion and has breached the Wall), but these guys are destined to have at least one painfully uncomfortable conversation involving Three-eyed raven exposition and horror about Jon’s true parentage.

JON AND LYANNA MORMONT

In the great hall, Jon is acquainting Queen Dany with the highly suspicious Lords of the North, but Lyanna is just. not. having it. The little girl named after his secret mother scolds him like a bitter mother would: ‘you left here a King, and you came back a… I don’t even know what you are!’ She gives words to the 800lb gorilla in the room: they made Jon Snow the King in the North, and he repays them by going out and bending the knee to the dragon lady? For once Lady Mormont and Sansa are in agreement. Jon rightly reminds them: I can’t be king of a nation of corpses, which is what we’ll be if we don’t accept Dany’s help given her army and dragons! There’s a lot of grumbling and mistrust, especially after Tyrion grandstands about the importance of living people alliances and the Lannister army riding up to help out. This doesn’t bode well.

JON AND SANSA

I wouldn’t really define this as a reunion in the sense that say, Jon and Bran or Arya was – he’s last seen her only a month or two ago. But she’s become plenty annoyed with him, because undeservedly annoyed is Sansa’s default mode. I understand why she is, of course – Jon was chosen over her to rule Stark-land – and she’s honestly the most entitled to it, given Jon is a Targaryen and Bran isn’t even human anymore. So not only is that burn still fresh for her, but homeboy went and submitted their sovereignty to a foreigner after grandstanding hardcore for saving the North. But, Sansa does make fair points – Jon brought back a gigantic army and two ravenous dragons and she only budgeted for the Northerners – how long before they starve? Loved Dany’s clapback about what dragons eat: “Whatever they want.” Jon implores her to maintain her faith in him – and he’s right, but I hear the jealousy gears cranking in her head as she agrees.

JON AND SAM

Whelp, just after Sam flees his failed meetcute with Jorah and Dany, he runs right up to dead-eyed Bran and accosts him for not sending word to Jon sooner the news of his true origins. He’s also probably pissed that Bran didn’t tell him about his dead dad and brother, which, respect. Bran tells Sam it has to come from him because Bran isn’t actually Jon’s brother (step aside, Arya - Bran is actually the cold bitch in this family). So, Sam stumbles down into the Stark family crypt, where Jon is paying his respects to Ned’s grave. Jon is elated to see Sam- why aren’t you at the Citadel? How’s Gilly and Little Sam? Sam, still sore from learning of his family’s execution, doesn’t belabor his mission and straight up tells Jon that the flamethrowing dragon lady he brought home isn’t actually the heir to the Iron Throne – Jon, aka Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name, is. Jon is devastated – his whole life has been a lie, after all. His ‘father’ – the most honest dude in Westeros – was lying for years to save Jon from the wrath of Robert Baratheon to honor his sister’s dying wish. Jon immediately refutes any desire to be the king, but Sam twists the truth blade in by asserting that Jon is without question the better person to rule the Seven Kingdoms, if only because Jon knows the value of mercy – where Daenerys “dracarys” Targaryen isn’t so accomplished.

THE NIGHT'S WATCH AND THE WILDINGS

Tormund and Beric Dondarrion have successfully fled from the massacre at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, where the Night King and Viserion took down a large portion of the Wall and crossed into the Northlands. They and their small band of Wildlings have arrived at the closest manor to Eastwatch – the Last Hearth, home of the Umbers. This is important because this location has popped up in the opening credits for the very first time in 8 seasons – perhaps because this is the place where the Army of the Dead have made their first mass murder on Westerosi soil, because after bumping into Edd and the remaining men of the Night’s Watch, the reunited parties discover poor young Lord Umber staked into the wall of the Great Hall, surrounded by a circle of severed arms. Lord Umber isn’t actually dead though – he’s a wight, and he tries to kill an unsuspecting Beric, but winds up in flames after a quick stab from Beric’s flaming sword. It’s clearly a disturbing message from the Night King – but what is he actually saying? I can kill kids with more depravity than any other character on this show?

BRAN AND JAIME

There were a lot of funny moments in this episode – both ironically funny, and comically funny (on Edd accusing Tormund of being a wight because his eyes were blue: “MY EYES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BLUE!”). But what I laughed the hardest at was the ending scene, when Jaime Lannister thinks he has successfully snuck into Winterfell, only to dismount from his horse and turn to see Bran Stark staring directly at him with his cold, robot eyes. It’s one thing to rationally understand that the kid you threw out of a five story window to save your incestuous relationship with your sister survived his fall, and became crippled because of it – it’s quite another to lock eyes with him immediately upon arriving back at the place where the murder attempt occurred many years later. The actors played it perfectly – Jaime in utter shock and dread, Bran in detached omniscience.

REUNIONS WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN BUT DIDN’T

Lyanna Mormont and Jorah – granted, Jorah has been in exile for longer than Lyanna (who is the daughter of Jorah’s cousin, I believe) has been alive – but he’s in the company of the Queen now, and you’d think that’d be kind of a weird point of contention for House Mormont and the other Northern lords. Maybe it will come up next episode?

Brienne and Jaime – Brienne was nowhere to be found this episode, but considering Jaime only just arrived at the end, and in secret – I suppose they’re saving this reunion for next episode. She probably will be integral to Jaime’s survival – if he manages to live past episode two.

That out of the way, we can reflect on all the ways that this episode mirrored the pilot episode, because coming full circle is what happens in narrative masterpieces. It began with the arrival of a royal retinue at Winterfell – only this time, it was Daenerys coming to Jon’s home, and not Robert Baratheon coming to Ned’s. Scurrying children try to get better glimpses at those marching – but this time Bran and Arya aren’t among them. Arya, however, is among the common folk, as she was when Robert arrived all those years ago – and Sansa still doesn’t know where her sister is lurking.

Similarly, the Lady of Winterfell is less than thrilled to be entertaining the incoming regent – Catelyn Stark had no love for Cersei even before the Lannisters massacred her family, and Sansa certainly isn’t crazy about Daenerys Targaryen and the romantic grip she seems to have on her brother, the once King of the North.

Also, we have some more dismembered-body spiral art a la the White Walkers in this episode, though on a smaller scale than the one we saw in the pilot. I’m very curious to know if this is one of those J.J. Abrams style red herring symbols or if it actually means something to the Night King and what is driving his efforts to conquer the lands of the living.

Finally – this episode closed out with a fated encounter between Jaime Lannister and Brandon Stark. Only this time – it seems Bran will instigate a near-death experience for Jaime, and not the other way around. Every cell in my damn body is aching for Bran to utter the words: “the things I do for love.”

Some other noteworthy things transpired outside of the callback-framework of this episode. Because Lena Heady and Jerome Flynn are contractually guaranteed to never have scenes together, Qyburn interrupts Bronn during some sexposition to present him with the very crossbow that Tyrion used to kill Tywin, along with a cartload of gold and the promise that Bronn can have his much desired castle if he succeeds in killing Cersei’s traitorous brothers. Bronn seems okay with the proposition – we’ll see how that pans out, I guess.

Arya tells Jon that Sansa is the smartest person she knows –I felt like screaming “that’s only because you don’t know Tyrion Lannister” at her. Also – Bran is definitely smarter than Sansa, even if he isn’t necessarily a person in the traditional sense. And what about Jaquen Hagar? She was clearly just defending her sister in a rare but significant show of sisterly affection.

Davos, Varys, and Tyrion discuss the matter of the fragility of the alliances gathered at Winterfell, and Davos brings up the fact that a marriage between Jon and Dany seems like the best idea on the table towards bringing unity to the realm. Only Tyrion seems queasy about this – either because he has romantic feelings for Dany himself, or because he has concerns about Dany’s ability to rule, seeing she’s not been opposed to executing those in a manner similar to her father, the Mad King Aerys.

The best part of this episode (aside from Jon and Arya’s hug and Jaime and Bran’s glare down) was Jon and Dany’s dragon riding excursion!!! HBO broke the bank on this CGI sequence and dude – it was worth it. Jon mounts the very dragon named for his father, and accompanies Dany as she tries to cheer up her under-the-weather (heh) babies with a tour about the countryside. The whole of Winterfell glimpses Jon astride Rhaegal, which should be proof enough in a while that Jon is a bonafide Targaryen. When they land, Dany sees a big ol’ cave behind a pretty waterfall, and comments that they could get lost there together for years without being found, which is very specifically a meta reference to Ygritte and Jon’s fated union in a cave way back in season 2. You know – the one she says they never should have left as she lay dying in his arms some time later. Jon doesn’t get weird though – instead he cozies up to his aunt/Queen and they make out, while Drogon gives Jon the stare of death.

Not ready to call you 'dad' just yet....

I have to admit – those dragon eyes are terrifying – so it’s extra proof that he’s really made of stronger stuff when he doesn’t actually seemed that skeeved out that he’s been hooking up with his aunt when he finds out. Will Jon pull a Ned Stark and put truth before common sense by telling Dany his true identity? If he does, I think he’ll reject his claim on the throne and settle for Warden of the North should they survive the war with the Dead, and prop up Sansa as the true ruler of the North. I think he may come clean to her but not to the northern lords – they rallied behind him for a reason, if he breaks their trust in him it will upend their respect for Ned Stark and the whole region may fall into chaos. What a pickle!

Next episode is probably narrative filler and wrap ups for the time between where we left of and the fated Battle of Winterfell, which is hyped to surpass any battle ever filmed for television or film. Jamie has a lot to say and to answer for, and I better get at least one lascivious glance from Tormund at Brienne, if not a whole conversation.

The Last Jedi:Review

 

I didn’t get to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi until nearly 2 weeks after it was released. I had avoided all spoilers and had middling hopes for it because Star Wars has burned me so many times before (fuck you, episodes 1-3). So when I saw it, and loved it – I was overjoyed! I haven’t been that thrilled in the theater since Avengers, honestly.

Then I left the theater and my husband practically foamed at the mouth as he ranted about how garbage it was, how it was a perfect failure of the JJ Abrahams mode of storytelling, blah blah blah – I was so disturbed by the contrast of our interpretations of the movie I burst into tears. No, I wasn’t just crying because someone disagreed with me about something that I love. There was more at play going on in my life at that moment; so don’t go rolling your eyes at me.

It’s been about a week since then, so here’s where I will address the criticisms of the movie in a more logical and measured manner, but mostly I will extoll the movie and explain why I liked it as much as I did, despite its obvious flaws. Leave now if you still haven’t seen it because it’s all spoilers from here on out.

First of all – if your biggest complaint is that the movie didn’t answer who Rey’s parents were to your satisfaction – go fuck yourself. So many people (husband included) are whining that episode 7 spent so much time implying that Rey must be descended from someone of consequence to the original trilogy that when we find out the truth (this may not even be the truth, mind you – it comes from Kylo Ren’s mouth and he’s not really a bastion of ethical behavior) – that she was abandoned by piece of shit parents on Jakku and has no relation to Obi-Wan Kenobi or the Skywalkers or any other canon-established Jedi lineage – it was a disappointment of epic proportions; a veritable bait and switch. Well guess what, whiners: there already exists a Force-capable legacy in this trilogy – Kylo Ren! It would be repetitive and limiting to shoehorn a long-lost granddaughter of Kenobi ancestry or a Force-conceived messiah baby into this story – it’s perfectly acceptable that Rey has humble origins. You know who else was a fucking nobody? ANAKIN SKYWALKER. Plus – since this flick serves as the second movie in this round of trilogies, it is a spiritual successor to the Empire Strikes Back – the second and greatest Star Wars story to be put to film. A warranted criticism of Episode 7 was that plot-wise, it too resembled Episode 4-A New Hope. Clearly the writers here wanted to establish a better balance in episode 8 between homage to the original flicks and fresher narrative material. A surprise paternity revelation was the hallmark of Episode 5 (Vader is Luke’s father!?!?!) – to pull the same trick in this movie would be lame. The fact that Rey shows remarkable skill despite her ordinary parentage shows that Force sensitivity isn’t the sole domain of the Skywalker clan – that even though the Jedi were all but exterminated during the execution of Order 66, the Force is still strong in unsuspecting people across the galaxy – further evidenced by the young slave on Canto Bight, who in the film’s final scene picks up his broom without touching it (the force is strong with him, clearly). It lays the groundwork to show that should the Resistance find a way to organize more help from disparate planets, there are capable rebels who might be able to use the Force to turn the tide of the war, even if they have no formal Jedi training.

The other most persistent criticism is that the message of the movie seems to be “being sentimental for the past is pathetic” and “stop trying to smartypants-predict the outcome and then be disappointed when what happens isn’t what you thought should happen.” Kylo Ren has like 3 monologues related to this topic (“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.”) Luke Skywalker says “This is not going to go the way you think!” to Rey on Ahch-To; it’s an admonishment to her but also a meta-warning to the audience. Also, when Luke boards the Millennium Falcon and bumps in to R2D2, he meta-groans at R2 showing Leia’s original transmission to Obi-Wan from A New Hope, calling it “a cheap shot.” Petulant fanboys seem to be interpreting these thematic choices as a direct assault on them: they whine that Disney is attacking the sanctity of the original films and effectively saying that Star Wars nostalgia is a futile exercise in arrested development. This pearl-clutching demographic sees Episode 8 as a vehicle for the film-makers to flip off consumers of their content with a giant nihilistic middle finger.

 

Now, as someone who worships the original trilogy and spent 2017 watching revivals of 90’s staples like The X-Files and Twin Peaks (not to mention 80’s nostalgia-fest Stranger Things) – I fully appreciate the desire for more quality content from an older beloved franchise. I can sympathize with people who didn’t like the movie. But realistically, it’s kind of tricky to find the balance between old and new– new material could very easily fall down a fan-fiction hole (Harry Potter and the Cursed Child comes to mind – pure trash), or veer so far from the source material in its desire to be independent that it alienates the audience and feels like a violation (Indiana Jones 4, anyone?). I get it. However: I think The Last Jedi handled this balance far more gracefully than Episode 7 did.

The most productive thing to do with this trilogy would be to look back on the past, incorporate the parts that were successful – and forge onward, using new characters and ideas to prevent things from being derivative and stale. So when beloved protagonists behave somewhat uncharacteristically (see: Luke Skywalker being a sarcastic prick towards Rey), or aren’t featured as prevalently as the audience may want (see: Luke Skywalker only showing up in the last 10 seconds of Episode 7), it will inevitably generate outrage from certain sectors of the fandom. Even Mark Hamill himself expressed displeasure with the direction Luke’s character took in this film– despite it falling neatly into disgraced-Jedi precedent (both Obi-Wan and Yoda retreated into exile after their failure to prevent the rise of the Empire).

 

The new main characters meshed rather brilliantly with the old – the Rey/Luke butting of heads was a great contrast to Poe/Leia’s fond dynamic, and the gimmick of Rey and Kylo speaking through a mysterious telepathic Force-link worked surprisingly well considering there was no prior evidence that you could do that from the previous films (this also may provide the answer to how Ben Solo was seduced to the Dark Side by Snoke, despite being cloistered away at the ill-fated New Jedi Academy). Not to mention – THEY BROUGHT YODA BACK! Real Yoda – not shitty CGI Yoda! Yoda returns in Force-ghost form to advise a conflicted Luke and utters the most relevant bit of dialogue to this line of discussion: “We are what they grow beyond.” As in, as Rey and the new Resistance must grow beyond the foundation that the New Republic (Rebel Alliance) established in the first trilogy in order to defeat the New Order (the Empire), we as an audience must grow past our attachment to the first films and grow with the franchise as new films are made.

That’s not to say the film didn’t have problems. The Star Wars universe continues to defy physics (you can’t drop bombs onto a Dreadnaught, guys – gravity doesn’t work that way in space! Things must be projected to move, in keeping with Newton’s Second Law of Motion), to shirk narrative completion (we still don’t fucking know who Snoke was, or how he came to power, and since he’s been killed by Kylo we likely won’t ever find out), and it chooses to create interpersonal conflict among the good-guys simply to disguise the fact that the plot is spinning its wheels instead of moving forward (see: Laura Dern’s inexplicably Snape-like General Holdo).

 

People are bitching and moaning about how Finn and new-comer Rose’s entire storyline is a giant McGuffin that ultimately contributes nothing to the forward momentum of the Resistance (in fact – one could argue their shenanigans resulted in the accelerated destruction of the Resistance fleet), and that Poe’s mutiny during Leia’s coma was equally as unproductive – and I completely concur. But what the fuck would you prefer? C’mon – wasn’t the excursion on Canto Bight and the tension between hot head Poe and ice bitch Holdo a whole lot more entertaining than all of our heroes watching the fleet get picked off one by one from the safety of the main ship!?

The whole movie ends on a down note (as Empire did before it): Luke sacrificed himself so that the Rebels could escape the salt-planet, the Jedi sacred texts were destroyed by ghost-Yoda, the Resistance is reduced to whoever could fit onto the Millennium Falcon. The anticlimax of Rey not actually getting much formal Jedi training (I can still hear my husband complaining about the comical toss of Luke’s old lightsaber over his shoulder, as if Rey had handed him an empty carton of milk or something) and Kylo Ren not actually getting to light-saber duel Luke was frustrating for some, but it didn’t actually bother me that much. The only protagonist left from the original trilogy (RIP Admiral Ackbar – I didn’t forget about you!) is Leia – and that’s a huge problem because Carrie Fisher passed away last year and can’t reprise the role for Episode 9 (*sob*). But I still left the movie feeling invigorated because hope for the resistance has been sown. Plus – the new aliens fell safely above the “Jar Jar Binks Threshold” for annoying/insulting presence, we got to see a lot more of Carrie Fisher than we did in the last film (and she uses the Force to save herself from certain death!), and there was a drastic increase in the amount of secondary female/people of color characters.

Also intriguing was the fact that Episode 8 is actually a solid rumination on our current political climate. At least, it was written so that cuck liberals like me can read into it that way; you could ignore the parallels entirely if you wish. Kylo Ren is so brazenly Trumpesque in his petulant dynastical entitlement and dangerous nostalgia for when the Empire was great it truly surprises me that there wasn’t a stronger backlash against the film from conservative viewers. You could draw any number of comparisons – Trump/Kylo vs Clinton/Rey, Kylo as the extreme evangelical antiestablishment branch of the GOP vs General Hux’s more traditionalist patriarchal politician branch of the GOP, Trump/Kylo vs Bernie/Rey. Or don’t think of it that way at all – either way the movie tears down the conventions of the old Star Wars so that a new kind of heroism/villainy can play out in Episode 9. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – let’s not forget the Jedi Order was so convinced of its effectiveness it failed to catch the fact that Palpatine was a Sith Lord consolidating power right under their noses until it was too late to prevent their own destruction. Kylo Ren killed Snoke and saved us all from having to be bored with the same old megalomaniacal brand of evil – what will the New Order look like with Kylo at its helm (Hux snipping at his heels), conflicted and angsty as fuck because his greatest threats are now a no-name girl with enviable Force ability and his own mother?

Overall, despite its obvious flaws, I adored this movie and was pleased with the way things panned out. Would I have loved to see Luke fight Kylo in the flesh, or a more operatic space battle, or a more dignified death for Admiral Ackbar? Yes. But am I going to lock myself up in my room and listen to Morrissey and brood because it didn’t check off everything on my wish list? NO. Morrissey sucks. Episode 8 didn’t.

May the Force be with you, Carrie

Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7: Finale

            

        
   

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I got that off my chest, I’m going to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH some more, so I can start employing rational thoughts. ALL THE FUCKING FEELS, PEOPLE! Season 7’s finale, which clocked in at and hour and 25 mins was only ever disappointing for roughly 5-6 minutes – everything else was thrilling for both satisfying and horrifying reasons.

We open on Greyworm and the Unsullied, who have successfully marched across Westeros to menace the walls of King’s Landing in time for the armistice meeting. Bronn and Jaime have a candid conversation about what the mercenaries could possibly be fighting for if they have no cocks. "Family," Jaime suggests. “Not without a cock!” It’s standard Bronn, but it does show that with no hope for a family, these men fighting for Dany stand for something else – existential freedom, perhaps? They have an actual cause, unlike the Lannisters – who only fight to keep their wealth and power and other Lannisters safe. The Dothraki pour in behind the Unsullied, and we pan out to the armada in Blackwater Bay so we get a better view of where the force resides on the Lannister side of things. Then we see a few teeny ships sailing in, which carry Jon and Tyrion and everyone else on Team Living, except for Dany.

Jon, worrying about the numbers of recruitment for the Night King, asks Tyrion how many people live in King’s Landing. This is Jon’s very first trip to the capital and to a city period – he doesn’t know. Tyrion guesses a million – which for the size of KL seems like a lot to me, but whatever, I accept dragons and resurrection on this program, so why not? Like any country boy Jon is aghast – how do they stand being all squished up against each other? Tyrion’s answer boils down to: brothels. Tyrion and Bronn – peas in a pod.

Up in the Red Keep, Cersei complains to Jaime that Dany didn’t arrive with her compatriots, so she must assume the Dragon Queen will be making a statement entrance later. She instructs the Mountain to kill Dany first if negotiations go south, and then Tyrion and Jon.

Meanwhile, the others make their way to the Dragon Pit, which is where the Targaryens kept their dragons to keep the populace safe once they conquered Westeros – and where the armistice meeting will take place. It seems a statement from Cersei – 'I mean to tame the dragon here.' Tyrion mentions that when Balerion (whose skull Qyburn impaled in the dungeons) lived there, it was the most dangerous place in the world. Davos quips predictably: “Still is.”

Bronn greets the group – and a full twenty minute sequence of reunions kicks off. Brienne arrived in Sansa’s stead early, so she’s behind Bronn. Pod and Tyrion have a sweet exchange, but by far the best moment is the Hound meeting up with Brienne. “I thought you were dead?” she says. Not for her lack of trying, obviously. She reveals Arya is alive at Winterfell, and that she doesn’t need Brienne’s protection at all – Arya could kill anyone who gets in her way. The Hound smiles wistfully: “Won’t be me.” They walk in together in contented silence. Bronn and Tyrion banter, and though they've chosen different sides for different reasons, they're both glad to see the other. THE FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone reports to their side under the awnings Cersei has set up in the middle of the decrepit arena. Because the actor who plays Bronn and the actress who plays Cersei used to be romantically involved and fucking hate each other in real life and it’s no joke in their contracts that they don’t have to have scenes together, Bronn and Pod leave the area so the big guns can duke it out – and so Pod can bless a few more prostitutes with his magic penis.

The following scene was excellent – clearly an homage to the Western, where gunslingers are meeting up to cut a deal but are all obviously wary and suspicious of everyone else. They're all giving everyone else shifty eyes waiting for Cersei and her entourage to show up, wondering if she’s going to pull a Sept of Baelor on them. The Hound is particularly twitchy; he fled KL because he didn’t want to die there. He grumbles to Tyrion: “Am I going to die here?” He then scoffs this whole idiot plan was Tyrion’s idea, and that every bad idea there’s been some Lannister cunt been behind it. “With a Clegane there to help carry it out,” Tryion snips back as Cersei, Jaime, the Mountain and company arrive and filter into their seats.

The Hound wastes zero time – once Cersei’s ass is in her chair he confronts his zombified brother. “Remember me?” he sneers into the Mountain’s blue face. “I’m coming for you, bitch.” Then he leaves – to get the wight in the crate, of course, but to everyone else it looks like he just dropped a mic. CLEGANEBOWL CONFIRMED SEASON 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m fucken STOKED.

They all sit and fidget for a few minutes, and then Dany rides in on Drogon, Rheagal soaring overhead. Drogon does some roaring and does an intimidating crawl into the pit to drop off his Mom – Team Cersei recoils, except Cersei herself, who had been bracing for this. She does a great job of seeming unimpressed. Once Dany is seated, Cersei drips with disdain like an asshole manager at a company meeting: “We’ve all been waiting for quite a while.” Dany: “My apologies.”

Euron spots Theon and creates his own opportunity to show off, taunting that he still has Yara and if Theon doesn’t come forth and submit to him ASAP he’ll kill her. Tyrion intervenes and the obligatory imp jokes are made, which Tyrion and Theon brush off as weak and unoriginal. “You never explain [the joke]” Tyrion rolls his eyes. Jaime has no patience so he tells Euron to sit the fuck down, so then Cersei seems pissed at being upstaged;  tells Euron if he doesn’t obey she’ll sick the Mountain on him. He complies. Ick, what a douchebag.

Tyrion continues: We don’t like each other. We’ve conspired against and killed each other’s families. But legit: we have to table these beefs because the threat is real. Jon’s turn to toss in his catchphrase: “It’s about living, period.” Because, as Tyrion puts it, “no conversation will erase the past fifty years” it’s best to just show Cersei the danger.

The Hound returns with the crate, and carefully opens it. When nothing happens, he unsheathes his sword and kicks over the box – and the wight goes nuts; takes off like a shot right at Cersei, which definitely does disturb her. Lena Headey’s acting is superb here. There’s a chain on the wight so it doesn’t reach her before the Hound yanks on it – he cuts the wight in half, but it’s still moving. You can practically see Qyburn getting a boner at the death magic he’s witnessing – he picks up the hand of the wight which skidded away, fingers still moving, staring in wonder. He passes it off to Jon, who demonstrates that the wights can be killed with fire or dragonglass (he stabs the top half of the wight in the head with a dragonglass blade).

Jaime is horrified – Dany confesses she didn’t believe it until she witnessed the Army of the Dead herself. He asks how many strong they are – she says 100,000 at least. Euron is squirming too – he asks: can they swim? Dany says no – little does Team Living know about the mer-wights who must have sunk to the bottom of the lake beyond the wall to dredge up her dead baby.

That’s all Euron needed to hear to change his mind, apparently – he says that of all the shit he’s seen on the seas this is the only thing that scares him so he’s OUT – deuces! He leers at Dany that he’ll be going back to his island and she should return to hers, and after the Dead overrun the continent they’ll be the only rulers left alive (to repopulate the planet, is the implication). He takes off – and I was glad to see him go, but I suspect he’s full of shit, because Euron isn’t the “ooooh I’m scared” type, and Cersei isn’t the type of controlling bitch who would just let her armada sail off with no complaint. This is fishy (sorry, couldn’t resist).

Cersei says she accepts the truce, seeing that they aren’t lying, on one condition: Jon must remain north, and remain NEUTRAL in the battle that will determine who the Queen of Westeros will be once the Dead are defeated. She says she trusts the word of Ned Stark’s son, but would never trust Team Dany.

This puts Jon in a very uncomfortable position – he already bent the knee to Dany, not that either of them told anyone else because it was a really intimate moment. But Jon can’t help it – Ned may not actually be Jon’s father, but he was his daddy: so Jon full on Ned Starks the situation to remain truthful and confesses he cannot serve two Queens, he’s already pledged to Dany. Cersei flips the figurative table and tells them they’re shit out of luck and storms out.

Couldn't resist...

 

Everyone is wincing and staring at Jon like he just bitch slapped Cersei – because he did just royally fuck the plan. Brienne dashes after Jaime and argues with him – talk to her! “To say what?” Jaime snivels, because WHIPPED. They glare at each other as Jaime loyally trails his sister-girlfriend, even though he knows she’s in the wrong. Dany scolds Jon – she knows he was just being earnest but his admission blew up their plans. Tyrion says lying is sometimes necessary to get things done, but Jon progressively sticks up for truth in principle because when words have no meaning, nothing can be relied upon. Oh, politics – if only Jon knew about Bernie Sanders: being honorable doesn’t get you far when lying fuckers run the game.

Tyrion decides the only way to save the planet is to throw himself in the lion’s den – he goes to face off against Cersei. Tyrion and Jaime tentatively say farewell outside of her private quarters because this may be Tyrion’s last hurrah – and then brother and sister face off in a flurry of bitter and hateful dialogue. This fight has been 3 seasons in the making, and it doesn’t disappoint. It’s also quite sad – Cersei concedes that Tyrion may not have killed Joffrey, but she still holds him responsible for Tywin, Myrcella, and Tommen. This is bullshit, of course: the only death he’s truly responsible for here is Tywin. I put Tommen squarely on Cersei – and Myrcella was all Ellaria Sand, who is still probably wasting away in the dungeon beneath their feet.  Tyrion is pained by the deaths of the children, and is in fact very remorseful about killing their dad – but Tywin meant to sacrifice Tyrion and had mistreated him his whole life, so he wasn’t that sorry. They share some wine – or at least, Tyrion pours Cersei and himself a glass, she doesn’t imbibe. HINT. She hates him for destroying the future of their house, and he asks if there is no future – why is he still here? There was a showdown in which Cersei very badly wanted to give the Mountain the go-ahead to kill Tyrion and he played chicken along with her – and she controlled herself for strategic reasons; but she could have slaughtered him then and didn't. She manipulates Tyrion during a monologue about not giving a flying fuck about making the world a better place – which is the very reason Tyrion says he’s thrown his lot in with Daenerys – she only cares about her family. She says this while clutching her belly – which Tyrion deduces quickly as: Cersei is pregnant. Cersei is no feminist icon – she’s a scheming selfish bitch who admits she doesn’t care if the world burns down around her so long as she and the few people she cares about are ok, and she uses her fetus to play her sympathetic brother like a fiddle to sell her next con. I don’t doubt she is pregnant, by the way – I guarantee she’ll miscarry sometime next season, because as per the prophecy Cersei will only have three kids, and all three were born and have died already. I am no feminist icon either – I’ll smile when it happens too. #sorrynotsorry.

While this is happening, Dany and Jon sift through the small dragon fossils littering the arena. She tells him that the construction of this pit was the beginning of the end for the Targaryens – for their unknown shared lineage. “A dragon is not a slave” – but that’s what happened to the dragons the Targaryens caged here for the safety of the city. This practice made the dragons ever smaller – and the political influence of her ancestors smaller too. She says in plain words that she cannot have children. Jon asks how she could possibly know that? Dany: “The witch who murdered my husband told me.” Jon: “….don’t you think the witch may have been biased?” Either way, Jon admits his political error: “We’re fucked.”

But wait! Tyrion is back, and in once piece! And Cersei and company are behind him! Can I also just say, if you put Cersei’s getup on a runway model in 2017 I wouldn’t have blinked an eye – she looks thoroughly 21^st Century badbitch. Kudos. Cersei says she will send the Lannister army North with Team Living with no conditions – remember I did ya’ll a solid when this is over, k? My face:

 

Back in Winterfell, Littlefinger is pitting Arya against Sansa as they discuss Jon’s letter, which informs her he bent the knee to Dany. Littlefinger says Jon’s motivation is quite simple – he is a young king, and Dany is a young beautiful Queen – it’s a logical alliance. He stops implying she should overthrow Jon and says it blatantly – you can un-king him. Sansa is worried that Arya would kill her for such a transgression – she used to be a Faceless Man, dontchaknow? I will confess – having not seen Arya and Littlefinger in the same room at the same time in a couple episodes, I was unsure if this was actually Baelish, or Arya wearing his face. He teaches Sansa his own mind game – what’s the worst thing an enemy could want? As in: what’s the worst thing Arya could do to Sansa? Sansa thinks: kill me, for betraying my family. Baelish continues: how believable is her motivation for killing you? What would she gain? Sansa deduces: if I am dead, she becomes the Lady of Winterfell. Sansa seems mad paranoid now – but the scales have tipped and I know Sansa won’t be fooled by Littlefinger any longer. Arya told Sansa herself – she never wanted to be a lady. She doesn’t want Sansa’s job – she wants Sansa to be loyal to her family (Jon).

On Dragonstone (because KL and DS are like, four miles away from each other I guess), Jorah is worried Dany will get picked off by an angry northerner en route to Winterfell – he pleads with her to fly north. But his place is the friendzone, so Dany goes along with Jon’s plan, which is the better one – we should travel together to be seen as equals and allies, by boat to White Harbor in the North, at least. Look at Jon, lining up a chance to hook up! Poor Jorah….

A completely unnecessary exchange occurs between Theon and Jon. This was totally wasted airtime, IMHO – who gives any fucks about Theon anymore? Anyone? Anyone? NO ONE CARES! I wanna know what the fuck happened to Gendry because he’s absent again – more Gendry, less Theon! It was mostly a chance to show Jon is very much Ned’s successor because even though they’re really uncle and nephew, they are the same in their honor and willingness to turn the other cheek. Jon forgives Theon for the transgressions against his family, and tells him to get the hell out of dodge to save his sister, and then Theon comically retakes the few men still loyal to Yara by not being defeated by a few kicks to the crotch (MOTHERFUCKER – I GOT NO JUNK). I don’t care at all if Yara is saved or not, but I guess Theon should be given a chance to redeem himself since there’s no way Euron is gone from the final season of the show.

On the ramparts at Winterfell, Sansa sends for Arya – who enters a great hall lined with the Knights of the Vale, with Sansa and Bran at the head table, Littlefinger snickering off to the side. Arya sizes up the room and basically tells Sansa that whatever shit she’s about to pull she better get on with it – she gives no fucks. I was a little nervous until Sansa read the charges – murder and treason. Arya's murders are unknown to Sansa (but probably not to Bran) – whose murder would she be charged with? Sansa cares very little for Walder Frey because of the Red Wedding – fuck him, right? Turns out the charges are actually for LITTLEFINGER!!! When I say I was literally screaming and cheering and dancing in my living room at the pure schadenfreude-ism of it all, you can ask my 3 year old and he’ll tell you I scared him with my reaction. Sansa’s take down was glorious – Baelish pushed Lysa Arryn through the moondoor – does he deny it? He gave Lysa the poison that killed her husband Jon Arryn – does he deny it? He also plotted to kill Brandon Stark and blamed the assassination attempt on Tyrion, kicking off the whole War of the Five Kings – does he deny it? Bran chimes in at one point when Ned comes up – “You held a knife to his throat and told him he shouldn't have trusted you!” He pitted Lysa and Catelyn against each other, just as he tried to do with Sansa and Arya – fucking try to deny it, bitch! She tosses it out there that despite his claims to have loved her mother and loved her, he sold her to the Boltons. She then turns his own words on him and thanks him for his many lessons – Sansa is a slow learner, you see, but she finally learned. He grovels like the worm he is at the Lords of the Vale, but they turn on him – they’re loyal to Robyn Arryn, of course, who is Sansa’s kin, and Sansa’s not a lying scheming criminal so fuck Baelish. Sansa sums up by reminding him that the world is an unjust place – but she’s making justice, and passing judgment on his ass. She gives Arya the go ahead, and while Littlefinger is on his knees she slits his throat with the very blade that started this whole mess. He keels over and the attitude in the hall is simply ‘meh.’

I don’t give a rat’s ass about sports – but this in this moment I fully experienced the elation and glory of a win that didn’t belong to me. GOT is my spectator sport. DING DONG: THE DICK IS DEAD. Later, Sansa and Arya are shown to be peacefully coexisting, content with their familial roles, even if Arya is “strange and annoying,” by Sansa’s standards. How quaint! I still don’t like Sansa – but I do finally respect her.

From that high we come down to Jaime Lannister talking over the logistics of marching north with his generals, whom Cersei dismisses to berate Jamie for his naivety. “You always were the stupidest Lannister,” she sneers at him, yelling that there’s no way she’s sending a single person to help Team Living – she lied. Jaime is floored – you can see in his face how surreal the moment is, because he gets it – their personal bullshit is meaningless if human life is in danger of extinction! Cersei wants to let the Army of the Dead slaughter their enemies so that whoever wins will be weaker by the time they make it back down south, and Jaime rightly throws up his hand(s) and screams “If the Dead win, we’ll all be dead!”

She brushes the threat off, saying that even if the Dead win, the Crown has MONEY! Because money can buy the Golden Company and surely they can defeat the DEAD! In fact – Euron is off picking them up now, his performance at the armistice was a clever ruse to justify the disappearance of his fleet! Jaime looks about ready to backhand her, and I really wish he would have – he’s destroyed that she plotted to undermine the truce without consulting him, with Euron of all fuckboys. He says he’s leaving if she’s committed to this folly, and she tells him he’s expendable because she has their baby to live for – she even tells the Mountain to weapon up to cut Jaime down. I honestly was scared Jaime was about to bite it – Cersei has gone complete darkside. “No one walks away from me,” she threatens like an abusive monster husband in a cheesy Lifetime Original movie. But that’s what she lets him do – Jaime leaves King’s Landing in plainclothes, hiding his golden hand under a glove as snow starts to fall on the city. He’s headed north, likely to warn Tyrion about Cersei’s treachery. I was so relieved  - Jaime and Sansa are both slow learners, perhaps – but they’ve both acknowledged their shitty relationships with backstabby-people and resolved to fix the mess they’ve made as individuals.

Tying up one last loose end (since we don’t get to see Gendry at all L) – guess who comes rolling into Winterfell? It’s our friendly neighborhood Tarly, Sam, who seeks an immediate audience with Bran. The exchange is mostly humorous:

• Sam: I dunno if you remember me, Bran, but –
• Bran: I remember everything. I’m the Three-Eyed Raven.
• Sam:…. I have no idea what that means.
• Bran: I can see the past, and present, but because I’m lazy – what are you doing here? (notice he left out the future)
• Sam: I came to help Jon!
• Bran: Oh, good – he’s on the way with Daenerys the Dragon Queen.
• Sam: Woah, you can see that happening right now?
• Bran: (holds up note) Naw, man – he sent a raven.

Bran does bring up the fact that they have to tell Jon the truth about his origins – that he’s not a Snow bastard, but a Sand bastard, because he was born to Lyanna Stark in the South, sired by Rhaegar Targaryen. BUT WAIT – Sam gushes – HE’S NOT A ‘SAND’ – he’s a full blown TARGARYEN, because Sam translated a High Septon’s diary back in the Citadel that said Rhaegar annulled his marriage to his first wife and married Lyanna  - which Bran promptly goes back to witness through greensight now that he knows what to look for. He also goes back to see that Jon’s true name – whispered by Lyanna into Ned’s ear at the Tower of Joy- is Aegon Targaryen – because Rhaegar was the sort of fucking asshole that would give both of his sons the same exact name. What the fuck, dude? Just because you just disinherited the first kid doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist!!! Also: Sam, you better worship the fucking ground Gilly walks on because you KNOW you didn’t make that discovery, but you damn sure took credit for it!

Bran states the obvious through voiceover that Robert’s Rebellion, then, was based on a lie –Jon is the true heir to the Iron Throne through a legitimate marriage of Dany’s oldest brother– just as Jon and Dany finally get it on on the ship to White Harbor. #BOATCEST didn’t bother me at all –it got me a full shot of Kit Harrington’s backside, SO IT WAS WORTH THE GROSS DRAMATIC IRONY. Yep – Dany just boinked her nephew. Tyrion knows what's what (not the incest part obvi)– he sulks down the hallway from Dany’s room were the Dragon is getting it on with the ‘Wolf.’ Perhaps he’s concerned about the possibility of complications that could arise should Dany’s infertility turn out to be a cruel lie… Bran is determined to reveal Jon’s true heritage to him – but I honestly feel like when Jon finds out, it’s not going to become public knowledge. He’ll probably tell Dany so she can choose whether or not she wants to be with him despite the incestuous nature of their potential relationship, and then he’ll ignore his birthright and side with the Stark side of his family – because Jon only wants to lead to serve the people of the North; he’s the least megalomaniacal regent on this show – unlike his historical namesake, the Targaryen who conquered Westeros. After the war is won, if he survives to the end (*fingers crossed*) – he’ll likely give up the title of King and make Sansa the official ruler of the North. UNLESS Dany winds up with a bun in the oven – the prophecy the witch made could be a Macbeth-level fake out, which seems ever more likely to me.  What will they do if she does wind up preggers – the heir issue from the previous episode comes to mind – that’s why I think it’s going to be a plot point next season.

Survival is tenuous for them all – the episode ends with Tormund and Beric on the lookout at Eastwatch, where their worst nightmare comes to life – the Army of the Dead is at the gate, and White-Viserion swoops in and BURNS A MOTHERFUCKING WHOLE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL. This implies that dragonfire in and of itself contains magic or is able to undo magic because good ol’ Uncle Coldhands once told us that the Wall may be a massive feat of labor but it’s been effective for 8000 years thanks to magic that was woven into it’s base by the Children of the Forest. It would seem the Night King’s ploy at the lake was a trap to get his hands on a dragon after all – the dragonfire was exactly what he needed to blast his way through – Viserion halves a chunk of the Wall, causing it all to collapse in on itself into the sea, leaving enough space for the Dead to amble slowly south into Westeros, unchecked. I was beside myself worried that Tormund was a goner (“take Beric instead!!!!!!!!!!!!”), but he survives the attack – hopefully he and the others can run along the length of remaining Wall to get out the word. It ends on a major bummer – shit just got extra real.

This also gives more credence to the fan theory that the Night King is Bran Stark, through some sort of  closed loop greenseeing time continuum gimmick. How else would the Night King know where to be at the right place at the right time EVERYTIME, why else would he have let Jon live when he could have killed him at least twice before now, if Bran is correct that greenseers can’t reliably see into the future, how else would the Night King have known where to lay a trap for a dragon? I think the theory makes too much sense – but it would take a lot of Back To The Futuresque exposition to explain away why/how Bran becomes evil. If that’s not the case, then the Night King must also be a greenseer himself, or perhaps a kind of god? – but the question of why he’s waited so long to dominate the world when he knows so much goes unanswered there. We’ll have to just wait and see.

I don’t know about you all, but I don’t know what to do with myself for another year waiting for the final season – aside from rewatch everything obsessively during the months in between (especially the Jon’s bare ass scene). Thanks for reading my poorly-written, stream-of-conscious reactions, and please do read again next year. Valar Morghulis.