Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 3: The Night King Cometh

To all you herbs complaining about this episode being poorly lit and not being able to see what was going on: 1) adjust the damn settings on your flatscreen for optimal viewing, and 2) go watch 2 full seasons of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Netflix and then come back and whine. You know nothing of low contrast film until you've seen that show. 3) IT'S THE MIDDLE OF NIGHT IN A MEDIEVAL SETTING WHERE THE ONLY SOURCES OF LIGHT ARE TORCHES AND DRAGON FIRE - IT'S GONNA BE DARK!!!! Ahem. Where the fuck do you even begin after an hour and twenty minutes of solid on-screen battle? This may be the shortest recap I ever write because there’s not much to describe of the actual action, save for: there was action. Much action. And much death. I now understand what it’s like to be a sports fan caught up in the hoopla of a play – I screamed commentary at the television, pumped my fist in the air, leapt out of my seat – I looked like my dad the last time the Dallas Cowboys were in the Super Bowl. 

Let’s clear the air first – ARYA KILLED THE NIGHT KING! ARYA. ARYA STARK. “No one” came out of left field (quite literally) and succeeded where two dragons and Jon Snow failed. This is the second Hail Mary pulled off by a Stark this weekend (RIP, Tony) and I honestly don’t know which one was more satisfying. Probably this one, because Arya survived her showdown with the Big Bad, and we lost Iron Man.

But let’s rewind. The episode opens on Sam, who is quaking in his boots, and then we trade off across the principal characters along the different parts of Winterfell – Tyrion and the women and children are ‘safe’ down in the crypts, and he’s made sure to bring two casks of wine, because sullen drinking is Tyrion’s superpower. Ser Davos is in position on the battlements, with Arya and Sansa, to give the signal to light the trench. All of our Northmen (and women!), knights, wildlings and former Night’s Watchmen are on the left flank, Greyworm and the Unsullied are spread wide across the field in front of the castle walls, and heading up the army of the living are Jorah and the Dothraki. Jon and Dany ride the dragons out of play on a cliff many miles away overlooking the landscape, and Bran, Theon, and the Ironborn are holed up in the Godswood.

The anticipation is painful; the Dead are somewhere off in the distance but they haven’t struck first. Which makes it all the more ridiculous that Melisandre should come trotting across No Man’s Land, after having been gone in Essos for what may have been months since Jon banished her. What has she been doing in her absence? How did she get back here at just the right moment? Has her prophecy feature fixed itself? We don’t – and probably won’t – know. Davos is not having it – the audacity of this bitch! He glares in disbelief as the Red Woman approaches Jorah, asking him to tell the Dothraki to hold aloft their weapons, which she promptly sets on fire using her Lord of Light magic. From where Jon and Dany stand, half the field goes up in flames, and it’s a clever narrative device because it kindled a bit of hope in we the audience, as it was designed to. They let her pass to enter the castle, where Arya spots her. Another person on her kill list she’ll have to disqualify; another bit of prophecy come to pass. Davos scurries down to the walkways to intercept Melisandre, but when they meet face to face, he doesn’t kill her. “There’s no need to execute me, Ser Davos – I’ll be dead before dawn,” she reassures him. That seems good enough for all parties involved.

Just before it all goes south...

The Dothraki charge across the field, accompanied by Ghost, who we don’t see again for the rest of the episode because the dragons are more important to this battle. The Unsullied rip off a few flaming boulders from the trebuchets, and it seems like a solid start – until all the horselords’ flames are snuffed out with alarming speed, like the Grim Reaper blowing out candles on an octogenarian’s birthday cake.

The remaining Dothraki, including Jorah, retreat, and we finally see what we’re up against – a literally fucking tsunami of wights. From here on out, shit just gets real. Our heroes slay dead guys bravely but they’re really no match for the sheer mass of Dead scrambling to take the castle. Dany decides she can’t hang back and burns a swath out of the wight army, and Jon follows as they head into enemy skies – where a blizzard makes it nigh impossible for anyone – dragon or human – to see where the fuck they’re going. As the Targaryens are flying blind, we catch a glimpse of the Night King astride Viserion. A mid-air dragon showdown happens, Drogon narrowly escaping the icefire blown by his brother by inches. Jon manages to get Rhaegal back to the Godswood to protect Bran, and Dany loses the Night King and all sense of direction in the storm.

Meanwhile, the Unsullied are falling back, trying to get as many soldiers into the walls of Winterfell as possible before they light the trench. These poor bastards know they don’t stand a chance and barely even flinch – many thanks for your service, guys. Davos gives the signal to light the trench – but Dany can’t see it! This is the part of the story where the plan spectacularly falls apart – without Drogon or Rhaegal to torch the trench, the wave of wights are starting to scramble up the outer walls of the castle. The archers with flaming arrows are having zero luck, because it’s winter AF out there and nothing is sticking. Runners with torches are picked off by the Walkers, and about now is the time Arya looks at Sansa and they agree Sansa is better off in the crypts.  Arya gives Sansa a blade, but Sansa has no idea how to use it, to which the only appropriate response was: 

This is the first clue that Arya will be supplanting Jon's role as the slayer of the Night King, because as we all know: it was Jon who originally said this to Arya:

I think 984634569096 people screamed “LIGHT THE TRENCH” (myself included) before Melisandre sauntered out there and lit it up magically. The Lord of Light must really have wanted them to sweat it, because it took a solid two minutes of chanting, and in the heat of battle two minutes is more like twenty. So the trench goes up in flames and for a brief moment, it holds the wights at bay. Theon tells Bran that the trench is lit, knowing that doesn’t bode well for their future. Bran promptly tells Theon he’s out and then his eyes go white, meaning that while the whole of humanity north of the Riverlands is fighting to keep him alive, Bran is warging into some ravens, who we follow as they stalk the Night King enroute to Bran’s location. Turns out, the Night King is multitasking – he telepathically commands the wights, who for the past minute or two have just been standing still in front of the trench, to kamikaze themselves onto the fire to make a body-bridge to cross over. So they start doing just that, and before long, the Dead are making towers out of bodies to breach the walls of Winterfell. Our heroes fall back, and the Hound is not doing well between the fires and the undead hordes. Edd really isn’t doing well – he died after saving Sam, taking a knife through the back of his head. And now, his watch has ended.

The tension really kicks up a notch because the wights are getting over the walls like they’re all-star pole vaulters and the courtyard is overrun with them. I had been holding it together pretty well until 9:45pm EST, because that was the precise moment when Lyanna Mormont was crushed to death as she killed the wight-giant that busted down the gates to the courtyard. In a classic David and Goliath moment, the little girl charged the giant after having been batted away like an insect, and as he plucked her up in his fist she drove her sword into his undead eyeball, saving many lives with her own short one. I’m still not okay, if you were wondering. The rest of our heroes are besieged but manage to keep saving each other. Arya goes full Jedi with her dragon glass weapon and gets knocked across a roof; she flees inside the castle, only to find it increasingly infested with wights.

As Arya navigates her way across the castle, Jon and Rhaegal manage to bum rush the Night King and Viserion before he can reach the Godswood, where a vicious dragon fight happens midair, talons scraping and jaws clamping down on necks – I did a lot of flinching and cringing during this sequence so I can’t really recall exactly how it happens, but the Night King gets kicked off his dragon and plummets down to the field full of dead bodies below. Rhaegal wipes out himself, leaving Jon on foot in the same field. Dany gets a clean shot at the Night King and Drogon blasts him with enough fuel to melt a city block; the minute we waited to see whether or not she succeeded consisted of me screaming “FLY AWAY FLY AWAY CLEARLY HE’S NOT DEAD FUCKING FLY AWAY!” Unsurprisingly, the motherfucker is still standing when the smoke clears. HOW!!?!?!? How is he immune to dragon fire!? Hmmm, who else do we know that cannot be burned? Is the Night King a secret Targaryen too!? Prob not, but seriously - WTF?

This is Jon’s obligatory run-head-on-into-a-strategically-moronic-situation moment, so he charges the Night King, but a mano-a-mano never happens because the Night King just smirks and resurrects all of the recently dead bodies within 10 square miles, including the majority of the bodies in the field separating him and Jon. Jon is about to be overtaken by the resurrected Dead when Dany finds her way back and torches the surrounding area. 

They get within speaking distance of each other and all Jon manages to say is: "BRAN!" Dany tells him to go, so Jon bolts for the Godswood to try and beat the villain to his brother, leaving Dany astride Drogon in the field, which is the dumbest fucking thing this woman has ever done, because the dead aren’t afraid of the dragon so they just scramble right up on his backside and start stabbing him like a rotisserie chicken. Dany gets kicked off as Drogon flees for the skies, and who should be waiting to save her but Lord Friendzone himself – Jorah Mormont.

Meanwhile, the civilians down in the crypt are now being savaged by the resurrected Starks  and they have Jon to thank for their trouble. I have to say, this was so obvious and predictable I rolled my eyes and groaned – oh, you mean a place where they store corpses is going to become problematic when the dude you’re fighting can raise the goddamn dead!?!? Varys, Gilly and Sam, Missandei and some others manage to hide in a small area behind a sarcophagus, and Sansa and Tyrion wind up hiding in the back behind another one. This former forced couple spent the earlier part of the evening making small talk about how Tyrion was the better of Sansa’s husbands and though they seem like they could get along now, the “Dragon Queen” would always be between them; divided loyalties do not a happy marriage make. Huddled together facing certain death, Sansa pulls out the dragon glass knife Arya gave her, and they hold hands (Tyrion kisses Sansa’s hand, which would have been sweet if the sound mixing wasn’t brimming with horrific death sounds) before silently agreeing to pull a Butch and Sundance to try and help the others.

Back in the castle, Arya has managed to ninja her way out of some sticky situations but she’s outnumbered on a battlement up high. About the same time, Beric Dondarrion has been screaming at the Hound for help, but Clegane is frozen by the futility of their fight. Beric points to where Arya is getting her ass kicked, conveniently giving the Hound the pick-me-up he needed to re-enter combat. 

Arya and the two miserable old shits fend off wights in many narrow hallways, Beric taking several hundred shivs to the kidneys to give the other two time to get ahead. The three manage to barricade themselves in the room that just so happens to have Melisandre in it, and Beric dies for the 7^th and final time. It’s strange that Arya should find solace from people who once topped her Kill List, but there she is, lightly mourning Beric’s definitive passing, listening to the Red Woman’s assurances that the Lord of Light brought Beric back to life so many times to fulfill a specific purpose, which was now fulfilled. She reminds Arya that the last time they met, she told her: 

Melisandre repeats her prophecy, only this time she says: “brown ones, greens ones, and blue ones,” emphasis on blue because the entirety of the Dead army have blue eyes. She’s building Arya up to something, and the last bit of encouragement she needs to set about the task we now know she’s about to complete is a direct quote from her beloved ‘dancing’ master, Syrio Forel: 

NOT TODAY!!!!!!!!! C’mon, you know you screamed it in response. 

The Godswood was breached and besieged by wights earlier, but somehow Theon Greyjoy has managed to outlive and outlast all of the threats to Bran’s life. Which sucks, because he’s def out of arrows and Bran is still MIA doing Three-Eyed Raven sightseeing. The next few minutes are a tense supercut of Jon trying to get past the hysterical ice fire of a masterless Viserion to get into the Godswood, Dany and Jorah fending off wights, and Theon biting his nails as the Night King cometh with the White Walkers in tow. Can't wait until someone inevitably dubs the House of Blue Leaves song from Kill Bill over that part. Bran snaps back to reality just in time to absolve Theon of his sins before he charges the Night King, getting impaled with his own spear immediately. A way more dignified death than I ever would have pictured for Theon Greyjoy – he proved useful and brave in the end. He even got a "You're a good man, thanks" from Bran - which is more than Meera Reed got for her sacrifices. Perhaps this means we will be seeing more of Meera, and Bran knew as much so he didn't give a final farewell?

As the Night King slow walks his way to Bran, Jon is still trapped on the sidelines by Viserion, and Jorah takes a few too many cuts to the gut. Bran is a sitting duck, the Night King is about to draw his sword – when out of NO WHERE, Arya leaps, Catspaw blade drawn, for the Night King’s back. 

He spins around and catches her by the throat, causing her to drop her weapon – which she then promptly recovers with her right hand, shoving the Valyrian steel dagger into the fucker’s belly, shattering him, causing a chain reaction of exploding White Walkers and collapsing ice zombies.

Jorah lives long enough to know they’ve won, and dies in his Khaleesi’s arms. Thus passes the House of Mormont, and I have to say, aside from the fact that Jon wasn’t the one who did the Night King in, this was the most shocking thing to happen in the episode. I assumed Jorah would die, or Lyanna would die - but not both.

The battle won, her destiny fulfilled, we follow Melisandre outside the walls of Winterfell, where she greets the sunrise. She casts aside the magic necklace that’s been keeping her tight all these years and she literally disintegrates, because there weren’t already enough GOT/Avengers parallels.

Let's now take the time to remember our fallen characters, none of whom were so vital to the story to really disrupt the narrative - this does not bode well for the coming episodes; I have a feeling Bronn is going to make good use of that crossbow. Thank you for your service, ladies and gentlemen!

Valar Morgulis

There will be countless articles and talking heads complaining about the fact that Arya wound up killing the Night King and saving the day; that it was undeserved and too much of a deus ex machina to be considered legitimate. I doubt Arya will be the slayer of the Nights’ King in the books – we’ve diverged so far from the source material, I think the only outcome that will be the same is who winds up sitting on the Iron Throne at the end. But this is a definite nod to the sort of thing George RR Martin was trying to do with the Song of Ice and Fire series – upend tropes in the fantasy genre. For the past 3 seasons, Jon has been built up as the Night King’s primary adversary, the most heroic of all of our protagonists… so it’s actually very satisfying in a schadenfreude kind of way that for all Jon’s blustering chivalry and selflessness, it was ultimately his stealthy assassin of a sister who killed the Night King, not in the midst of some epic duel, but by surprise attacking him. Jon has won against all odds in countless situations up until now – how much of a bummer is it that he failed to get within ten feet of the Big Bad? Can’t you hear GRRMcackling with glee in his livingroom?  

Plus – it’s so deliciously poetic that the very blade that nearly killed Bran was the instrument that saved his life. The origins of this knife are so much more interesting to me now; we don’t actually know who the original maker was, only that Littlefinger blamed Bran’s assassination attempt on Tyrion using the blade as justification. It popped up in that book Sam had been reading in the Citadel that talked about the White Walkers – how old is this thing really? 

Anyway, Melisandre brought up some interesting points about destiny and prophecy before her death that seem consequential to what happens next. She implied Beric’s multiple resurrections had been necessary to lead him to his final stand; orchestrated by the Lord of Light, to help Arya kill the Night King. Does this mean that Arya is the Prince(ss) that Was Promised aka Azor Ahai reborn? (Azor Ahai is the messianic figure that ended the Longest Night millennia ago and was prophesied to return to save the world from Darkness again)? Well, no – there’s a lot of other criteria that Arya doesn’t meet, including being born or resurrected among salt and smoke, awakening dragons from stone, and be descended from the Mad King Aerys (if certain hedge witches are to be believed). The only two people who meet this criteria are Dany and Jon (Jon didn’t wake any dragons, but if you consider him the dragon, I guess it could work). Following Melisandre’s logic, Jon was also resurrected at the Lord of Light’s discretion – which means his purpose has yet to be fulfilled, perhaps as the Prince that was Promised? Just because the Night King is dead (it would be super Tolkienesque if he wasn’t like, dead dead, but I guess he could still be somewhat alive in a weird Voldemort type scenario) doesn’t mean the world has been delivered from Darkness! Cersei can’t raise the dead but honestly her type of banal evil is scarier to me than the existential evil the Night King represented. I doubt Cersei is a bigger obstacle than the Night King, there have been too many symbolic hints left by the White Walkers. Perhaps a greater cosmic evil has yet to reveal itself, and the Night King was just the symptom?

Another interesting tidbit about this prophecy is that, like Azor Ahai, the Prince(ss) will re-forge Lightbringer, the mystical flaming sword, by sacrificing someone they love. So: either Dany is the Princess, and Jon was reborn to die at her hands to make the weapon, or Jon is the Prince, and Dany will be killed by him. Remember that prophecy from waaaaay back when Dany lost her dragons and went on that magical mystery tour at the House of the Undying? The warlock told her she would be with her dragons through “winter to summer and winter again.” Those exact words just cropped up in the song Pod sang about Jenny Oldstones last episode; Dany just survived one winter, the coming episodes will be in the warmer climates of the South… perhaps another winter is upon us? 

At any rate, Melisandre's emphasis on the different colored eyes Arya will shut gives hope to my pet theory that Arya will wear Tyrion or Jaime's face to fool Cersei into getting crossed off Arya's kill list:

I think if this comes true I won't give a shit about who 'wins' the Game of Thrones - I will have gotten my happy ending.

Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 2: I Dub Thee - Ser Brienne of Shattered Glass Ceilings

I have to say – this calm-before-the-storm episode will go down as one of my favorites for its shameless nostalgia and emotional camaraderie among beloved characters. A lot of fans will complain that this was basically a filler episode because we didn’t have any action and we didn’t really learn anything new, but that’s because they are stupid and don’t comprehend what this was: a gift, a chance for us to reflect on the journeys that our protagonists have taken up until this point, because let’s face it: most of these people will be massacred next week at the Battle of Winterfell. Every scene is staged to recall the trials and tribulations endured by these characters, so we can have that fresh in our minds as we watch them die horrifically at the icy mangled hands of the White Walkers. ‘K?

It began on a tense note: just as I expected – episode 2 picks up with Jaime on pseudo-trial in the great hall of Winterfell. Daenerys isn’t too pleased to see the man who her murdered her father, and neither is Sansa – who remembers Jaime best from that time he snatched her father away for treason in King’s Landing. Jaime certainly isn’t helping his cause – Jaime admits that Cersei was full of shit about sending her armies north on top of her purchase of the Golden Company, and he refuses to apologize for his transgressions against the Targaryens and Starks because “war;” which is the perfect opportunity for Bran to parrot back “the things we do for love” at Jaime – I can now die fulfilled (no joke – I squealed when he said it). 

Bran neglects to tell the entire hall it was Jamie who crippled him, which would have been an automatic death sentence, but regardless the two HBIC’s seem in agreement about Jaime’s impending execution, despite Tyrion’s pleas otherwise, until Brienne intervenes on his behalf – repaying the debt she feels she owes him for when he saved her from rape and certain death – and lost his good hand for it. She also shames Sansa by reminding her the whole reason she even has Brienne as a protector is because Jaime swore an oath to Catelyn Stark to return her home. Sansa demurs (have you noticed that Sansa’s first instinct is always wrong? Save for her bailing Jon out at the Battle of the Bastards, she literally has never made a solid first call in her life), so Dany turns to ask Jon his opinion on the matter. If she was hoping for support from her lover-nephew, today was NOT the day because clearly Jon has been up all night, haunted by the “I’m the true heir to the Iron Throne and my whole life has been a lie” bomb he had dropped on him; he quickly agrees with Sansa that Jaime can serve them best as a soldier for the living. Dany is bitter but she concedes that Jaime may stay and fight. The second the hall is dismissed Jon takes off like a shot, which hurts Dany’s feelings, because clearly he’s avoiding her and this is a woman who has had men of all ages falling at her feet since Season 1 so she’s unaccustomed to this sort of behavior from a paramour.

Tyrion is now on Dany’s shit list and she’s reading him the riot act for actually believing Cersei could be trusted. Once alone with Varys and Jorah, he mopes that soon one of them will be the Hand of the Queen, because clearly his judgement is fucked. This seems to trouble Jorah – more on that later.

In the forges, Arya is stalking Gendry, hounding him about the weapon he has yet to make her. This scene is clearly meant to establish that she’s not just bothering him for a weapon – she plans on bothering him in a romantic sense, too: Maisie Williams must have practiced her come-hither-fuck-me eyes for months for this scene. EW EW EW! *shudder* Anyway, she can’t seduce him the traditional way because she’s an assassin, not a beauty queen, so she asks him about fighting the White Walkers. Gendry isn’t a man of many words; the best he can do is emphasize that literal DEATH is coming for them. As No One, Arya became well acquainted with the many faces of Death, so she shows off a bit of her knife throwing skills to prove she’s up to the task. Gendry, impressed, agrees to get on her project right away (heh, that’s what she said – erm, will say).

Bran is back in the Godswood, alone (is anyone else wondering how Bran gets around? Clearly Winterfell isn’t handicap-accessible; are there servants who wheel him places, or does he do it himself?), when Jaime comes to apologize for chucking him out the window. “You weren’t sorry then,” he deadpans, which, respect, but he’s not actually angry about it. Jaime marvels that Bran isn’t actually mad at him, but when you’re a sort of omniscient mystical demi-god – who has time for grudges? Jaime insists that the guy who tried to murder him isn’t the guy he is now, and Bran agrees – Jaime is one of the best redemption stories in all of fiction, after all. He also makes an interesting point, in that if Jaime hadn’t tried to kill Bran, neither of them would be the evolved people they are today. Well, Bran’s not a person, per se, he admits. But perspective, yo – it’s a savior. He asks why Bran didn’t tell everyone the truth about their last encounter – because if they knew, the Three-Eyed Raven says, they wouldn’t have let Jaime live to fight another day. Also – we don’t know if there will be another day, which serves to remind us – the Three-Eyed Raven can only definitively see the past and present – he can’t know the future for certain.

Jaime goes on to find Tyrion in the courtyard, suffering menacing looks from disgruntled Northmen. Jaime confirms to Tyrion that Cersei wasn’t actually lying about the being pregnant part (if she is pregnant, she obviously isn’t going to give birth to a live baby – the prophecy said she’d have three children and they’re all already dead. Also – she clearly doesn’t care about fetal alcohol syndrome because she was undeniably hitting the bottle when last we saw her) – she once again used the truth to manipulate her way into getting what she wanted. The two joke about when last they were both at Winterfell, and Tyrion resignedly states that this is where they’ll be dying. He ponders about what will happen after they’re dead, taking solace in the fact that Cersei won’t get the satisfaction of killing him, wistfully imagining being able to kill Cersei down at King’s Landing when he’s a part of the Night King’s army (a blatant tease about the theory that Tyrion is the valanquar from Cersei’s prophecy – the little brother who will strangle her) – except Jaime isn’t really listening anymore – he’s staring at Brienne, who is overseeing training in the camp.

The camp is bustling with nervous energy – Brienne looks on as Podrick spars with a nameless grunt, and since we last saw him Pod’s sword game has kicked up a notch because he’s effortlessly kicking ass, which Jaime says reflects well on Brienne. The pair wander the camp making awkward conversation until finally Brienne can’t take it anymore: what is Jaime up to? He asks if he can serve under her command, since she’s been put in charge of the left flank come battle time. She’s touched – this was once the most decorated Knight in the realm, and he’s hoping to be her subordinate!? But she can’t show emotion as a soldier, so she simply agrees that yeah, that’s cool.

Dany is visited by Jorah, who stands up for Tyrion and asks her to restore her faith in him. His defense is too kind, by my estimation – he says Tyrion makes mistakes but learns from them. Does he though? Anyway, he surmises that he wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Tyrion’s mad brain skills, and that it’s remarkable that the imp has survived this long on only his wits. Clearly, Jorah doesn’t want to be Dany’s Hand – must be too far from her friendzone for his comfort.

Dany moves on to intrude on Sansa, who is discussing important things with Lord Royce. He departs after sharing an “oh god, this bitch again?” look with Sansa, and Dany sits down to have a heart-to-heart with her would-be sister-in-law. Their conversation is more ‘honest’ than I think either of them capable of – Sansa lauds Brienne’s capabilities as an advisor, and they reflect on their relationships with Tyrion – Sansa is nicer to him in absentia than she was to him in person, and Dany laments that while she admired his kinder qualities the one she most appreciated was his former ruthlessness. Sansa jumps on the opportunity to get in a dig about how foolish Dany was to trust Cersei; Dany clarifies that she trusted her Hand, not Cersei. Dany swallows her pride and tries a different tactic – flattery. She remarks that they have much in common: they’re both female rulers in a man’s world, and they’re both damn good at their jobs (remember, flattery is her goal, so let’s laugh ironically) – why should they be at odds with one another? Their acting skills while in character are quite admirable – kudos to Emilia and Sophie. She then flatly tells Dany that Jon is in love with her, and Dany admits that she is also in love with Jon. Sansa expresses skepticism about love, paraphrasing Galadriel: “men do stupid things for women.” Dany confesses she let herself get sidetracked from the Iron Throne to come up to the North to fight a separate war because Jon asked it of her, so really – who manipulated who, here? She also makes a joke about Jon’s height, which, come on – most guys are shorter than Khal Drogo! 

Sansa, who up until this point was amenable to playing at frank conversation, turns dark. “Since we’re on the topic of the North – if we survive the Night King, what happens to our sovereignty as a nation? Cuz we decided we wouldn’t be under someone else’s boot anymore, and we meant it dammit!” Dany quickly sours at this brazen challenge to her rule.

Thankfully, who should arrive to break the tension but Theon Greyjoy and his men, who are seeking an audience with Queen Daenerys. Theon tells her that Yara is sailing back to the Iron Islands to reclaim them in Dany’s name, which leads her to ask: why are you up here, then? Theon looks longingly at Sansa, who hasn’t seen Theon since they escaped Ramsey Bolton from these very walls together – and their shared trauma, unbeknownst to the rest of the room, gets the better of them, leading to a very public, tender reunion hug – much to Dany’s chagrin. She glares jealously as Theon tells Sansa specifically that he wants to make his last stand with the rest of them at Winterfell. UPSTAGED!

Within the courtyard, Davos and Gilly make themselves useful to the country people arriving from the surrounding areas – Davos by serving them soup and pointing the way to the armory for the men, and Gilly by giving the women instructions about how to get to the crypts, where they will be hiding once the fighting commences. In a shameless attempt to pull our heartstrings, a little girl with a scarred face asks Davos where she should go, because she wants to fight like her brothers, who were once soldiers. Gilly and Davos tag team to respond that she should go to the crypts, because the women and children will need brave people to defend them down there. The girl agrees with a smile – and I swear to god if she winds up crispy like Shireen I’m going to hunt down Benioff and Weiss and throw a Molotov cocktail through their office window.

Tormund, Beric, and Edd arrive, which brings Jon out of the depths of the manor. Noticeably, he isn’t wearing any of his Stark battle gear: which is a visual signal that he’s already no longer comfortable considering himself a Stark, even though he is technically half of that lineage, same as he always was. Jon gets tackled by Tormund on his way to hug Edd (he calls Jon “my little crow” – be-still my heart!), but the comradery quickly fizzles when they explain what happened up at the Last Hearth, and that they have less than a day before the Dead are upon them. Beric introduces a clever new euphemism for death: “fighting for the Night King, now.” Tormund is more concerned about Brienne, asking “is the big woman here?”

AVENGERS: ASSEMBLE!

Now that all of our heroes are finally gathered under the same roof, they meet in the war room to talk strategy. I loved this scene; literally everyone of importance is at the same table (except for the villains that is), working towards the same goal. Jon says that the only way to defeat the Dead, who greatly outnumber them, is to take out the Night King, which hopefully will break the spell that animates them. Jaime says that if this is true, he’ll never expose himself – so how do they accomplish this? Enter Bran – who says that he’ll come for him, as he has come for all the previous Three-Eyed Ravens. “He wants to erase this world, and I am its memory,” he says, making this all seem very Matrix-esque in its rumination on the life/death relationship. Destroying human memory as a concept is a poetic way to secure the apocalypse, just like destroying the hard drive in a computer is a great way to wipe away any evidence of your cybercrimes. Books can be destroyed, after all, and memory fades after a generation (this is exactly why democracies are backsliding IRL) – true death, Sam says – is forgetting. Bran shows them the mark the Night King left on his arm – the mark acts as homing beacon. He proposes to wait for the Night King by the weirwood tree. Sansa is aghast that he should use himself as bait – but Theon offers to guard the Godswood with the Ironborn – an effort to make amends for when he stole Winterfell from Bran so long ago – and Sansa shrugs, even though she knows full well Theon’s track record with chickening out at the worst possible moments. They ponder what could kill the Night King – dragon’s fire? Bran’s turn to shrug: “don’t know – no one has ever tried that.” Tormund very cheerfully informs the collective: “We’re all going to die – at least we’re together.”

As the room clears out (Jon making a beeline for anywhere Dany isn’t), Tyrion pulls up a chair and asks Bran if he needs help. Finally! It took a differently abled person to recognize that maybe Bran, though magical in a meta way, can’t just transport himself with intradimensional portals. Nah, Bran’s okay though. Tyrion asks how his life has been since the last time they met. “It’s a long story,” is an understatement. “If only we were trapped in a castle in the middle of winter with nowhere to go….” 

A bit on the nose Tyrion, but never mind that – I wanna know what the hell Bran told him! Wouldn’t Tyrion think to ask specific juicy questions!? Major missed opportunity.

Greyworm and Missandei show visible discomfort being people of color up in the North (and yeah – these Northerners are def coming across too MAGA-sympathetic for my liking), and imagine a life together far away back on Essos as free people. The last remnants of the Night’s Watch have a bickering round of “it’s the end of the world as we know it,” as evidenced by the fact that Samwell Tarly has a woman and Edd doesn’t – according to Edd, anyway, who is giving off a distinct incel vibe. Bitter, much? At last – we get a brief glimpse of Ghost, who was financially feasible in this episode because there was no sign of Drogon and Rhaegal! Next episode will likely feature Ghost ripping some wights apart, I should think. If he dies, though – we riot!

The occupants of Winterfell all look for something to do to pass the time as they await literal death. This is my favorite portion of the episode – it’s character bonding at its best, like when old friends get together to reminisce after someone’s funeral in a dramedy. Tyrion and Jaime begin alone in the Great Hall, warming themselves with wine by the fire. Tyrion says he wished Tywin were alive so that he could see the expression on his face knowing his two sons would die fighting for Winterfell. Brienne and Pod enter, looking for someplace warm to hang out until the fighting starts. Tyrion gleefully pours Pod an overflowing goblet of wine like a drunk uncle for an underage relative at a wedding. Then comes Davos, followed quickly by Tormund, who shares the origins of his nick name, “Giantsbane.” It’s gross, but he’s hilarious in telling it, clearly trying to woo Brienne, who informs him she’s glad he wasn’t killed at Eastwatch, but not so glad that she’s going to knock boots with him. It devolves into a fireside chat of strange bedfellows.

Up on the battlements, the Hound is drinking alone, until Arya comes upon him. They commiserate a bit about how different their dynamic is. She asks him why he’s here – she remembers him as a self-serving loner, why would he be fighting for a cause greater than himself? “I fought for you, didn’t I?” he reminds, which checks her a bit. Beric Dondarrion arrives and makes himself comfortable, leading the Hound to crack that “this might as well be a bloody wedding” – which is hilarious because weddings on this show are synonymous with horrific deaths! The last time Arya saw Beric, he was selling Gendry to Melisandre. “Wasn’t he on your list?” the Hound asks. “For a while,” she admits. It’s unclear who remains on Arya’s kill list – but Beric and the Hound have earned the right to live, for however long they continue living given the circumstance. The Hound threatens to chuck Beric off the wall for his 20^th and final death for getting preachy with his “the Lord of Light has brought us together” comment, which brought a smile to my face. Arya rises and leaves, having made her peace, informing her former travel companions that she “wasn’t going to spend her last night alive with you two miserable shits.” Right on.

Instead, she’s in the basement doing arrow target practice, a callback to one of the first times we see her as a little girl, wanting to do archery with her brothers. Only she’s not a little girl anymore – after Gendry presents her the weapon she asked for and finding out that he’s Robert Baratheon’s bastard, she starts grilling him about all the girls he’s hooked up with – asking if Melisandre was the first woman he’d slept with, and how many girls there had been since or before then. “Psh, it’s not like I kept count.” “Dude – yeah, you did.” (3 girls). She basically tells him that if this truly is their last night on earth, she’s not dying a virgin – so she becomes girl #4. I won’t lie – I couldn’t watch this scene. It was more uncomfortable for me than most of the rapes we’ve witnessed – I know it’s meant to be feminist because Arya initiated the encounter and was the one in charge, but it feels distinctly like the writers are just trying to couple up all of the battle hardened women on this show. Tormund has been lusting after Brienne since last year, there’s been odd tension between Jaime and Brienne since they completed their respective missions 3 seasons ago, and now this!? It was forced AF; Arya has been depicted strictly as a murderous young adult bent on avenging her family, and now she’s hooking up in the basement of her house like a common teenage girl!? When did she cease to be asexual, and why was if off screen up until now? I call bullshit. But, you know, Gendry’s fairly hot, so I can’t be too disgusted. Get some.

Tyrion reminds them that at some point all of them had fought against the Starks, and now they were going to die defending them. Life’s funny, no? He goes on to say he actually thinks they might live (which gets a good laugh from the collective), going around recounting all the battles they’ve survived, and slips up when he gets to Brienne, calling her “Ser” instead of “Lady.” Tormund asks why she isn’t a knight, and she explains by tradition, women can’t be. “Fuck tradition,” he rightly replies, and Jaime raises to anoint her Ser Brienne of Tarth, because as a knight himself, he is entitled to sire other knights. It’s a deserved title, and Tyrion and company applaud her without question, because these are Westeros’ woke men. At long last – a good thing happening to a good person on Game of Thrones – GLASS CEILING BROKEN, HUZZAH! However this does not bode well for Brienne’s survival odds. Tyrion suggests a song to celebrate; everyone but Pod declines to sing. He croons a somber tune about dancing with ghosts – which again, is a bit on the nose. Seriously though– Pod is the most eligible bachelor in Westeros, what with his prostitute-praise worthy sex game and squire gallantry and dreamy singing voice.

Sam finds Jorah getting bitched out by Lyanna Mormont in the courtyard. She has taken offense at her elder’s expressed preference that she remain below in the crypts to secure the future of their house. All due respect, old man – Lyanna isn’t going to sit by the fire while other people fight for her, so suck on that. She wishes big cousin Jorah good fortune in the smarmiest pre-teen way possible, and leaves, Jorah unable to suppress the smirk on his chastened face. Sam swoops in to lift Jorah’s spirits by offering him the Tarly family sword to use during the fight, since Jorah insisted that Jon keep the Mormont family sword last season, and Jorah’s dad was the first noble father figure Sam ever had. It would honor him to see it put to good use, since Sam admits – he can’t actually lift it upright (Valyrian steel is dense, you know). Jorah accepts – again, this doesn’t bode well for Jorah’s survival odds, especially when Sam departs on: “I hope we win.”

Theon and Sansa share a meal in silence – because even though they’ve shared a life-time’s worth of horrible shit at the hands of the same evil person, they don’t actually have that much in common. I sincerely hope they aren’t being set up to be a couple – two eunuch/hot girl relationships on this show would be overkill.

Finally, Dany manages to corner Jon down in the crypt in front of Lyanna Stark’s grave. Instead of a “babe, why so distant?” conversation, she is given a narrative in which the dead woman she stands before is not the woman her older brother raped, thus resulting in the overthrow of their family dynasty – but the woman he loved and spawned a secret legitimate heir with – the spawn being Jon aka Aegon Targaryen VI. “Impossible,” she dismisses – who confirmed this? Your best friend and your weird brother? Suspicious much? But you can tell she knows it’s true – why else would his affections reverse so quickly? How else could he have ridden her dragon, were he not a Targaryen? Rather than cringe in disgust that she’s been screwing her nephew, she immediately jumps on the fact that Jon – not she- has the best claim to the Iron Throne. Incest seems a non-issue to these people, so I guess we just go with it? Jon seems hurt that the first thing she brought up was the line of succession, but he doesn’t immediately refute his claim – which surprised me honestly. They are interrupted by the horns of war, and we close on a view of Winterfell from afar, side by side with a line of White Walkers.

Next episode will be the most epic of epic things ever committed to film, so I won’t be maudlin and conject about who winds up surviving. I will, however, reflect on how important this episode was in showing how the world of Westeros has evolved, from a place where women were treated much like cattle, to a place where they literally rule the dominions of men. It’s come down to Cersei and Dany as the two options for living monarchs (until Jon throws his hat in the ring, that is), Sansa is effectively the Warden of the North, Yara is reclaiming the Iron Islands since her uncle is busy banging Cersei, Arya and Brienne are the foremost warriors in the realm, and Lyanna Mormont is poised to take up their mantle should she survive beyond next week’s bloodbath. In the world that must rise from the ashes following the war between the Living and the Dead, women may have a shot at a more egalitarian role in society. Perhaps Dany (or whoever succeeds her, if she dies) will indeed break the wheel, and establish a more equitable government where women have agency and the same legal clout as men. We shall see.

Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: Winterfell, Reprise

The beginning of the end, friends. Before I go any further, can I just say: what the fuck is with this show and burning children!?!?!? This was the 5^th one (unless I’m forgetting any)! I mean, the amount of crispy adults far outnumber the kids but this is Westeros and valar margulis and all that.

Season 8’s opener was primarily a functional one, because there were 78263498763948567 reunions and introductions to be made, and a lot of artistic mirroring to be done. I’ll mostly structure this recap in terms of the reunions, beginning with Arya.

ARYA AND THE HOUND

The last time these road trippin’ pals saw each other, Arya abandoned the Hound to die after Brienne of Tarth kicked him off the side of a cliff in combat. “I robbed you before that,” Arya adds charmingly. The Hound warmly informs her that she’s a cold little bitch (ten bucks says Maisie Williams gets that as her final GOT tattoo) to have survived for this reunion to have occurred, and wistfully leaves the forge area with his new Dragonglass axe, courtesy of….

ARYA AND GENDRY

Arya was defending the quality of Gendry’s smithing skills when she confronted the Hound – this reunion was slightly more awkward, somehow, because when last these kids saw each other they were, well, children, and now they have seen some shit and are of an age where sexual tension might be an obstacle in boy/girl interactions. I don’t think (or at least – I fucking hope) that these two will be coupled up, but there was a bit of discomfort realigning themselves to each other, because when they parted ages ago, she heartbreakingly told him "I could be your family." He then followed: “You wouldn’t be my family; you’d be m’lady.” So he calls her again, as they fall back into their economic class disparity banter while she asks him to create a double edged weapon of Dragonglass for her. He rightly wonders why she would need such a thing, since she’s got the Valyrian steel Catspaw blade – but a lady is entitled to her secrets.

ARYA AND JON

This is the reunion I have been waiting years for – I fully admit I shed (several) tears. Jon and Arya haven’t seen each other since the day he left for the Night’s Watch, when he gifted her Needle and told her to “stick’em with the pointy end.” These were the two siblings who cared most about each other, neither caring much about convention or birthrights and titles. Their hug directly mirrors the jumping one she laid on him so long ago. She proudly shows him Needle – but doesn’t in detail share how many people she’s killed with it when Jon asks her if she’s ever had to use it (the situational irony in this episode is delicious!). So then must Jon show her Longclaw, because Game of Thrones is nothing if not a metaphorical dick measuring contest. There’s much for the two to share about their lives in the years they’ve been apart, but there’s not time for that now – I hope there will be later in the show because I’d love to hear her tell Jon about her massacre of the Freys.

CERSEI AND EURON

Just as a concerned Qyburn rushes to tell Cersei the Night King has breached the Wall (which she takes as good news) - Captain Fuckboy makes good on his promise and returns to King’s Landing with the Golden Company (sans elephants, much to Cersei’s chagrin) in tow. He’s followed through on his end of their bargain, which is why he’s so cranky when Cersei initially refuses to put out. I’ll give her this: “If you want a whore, buy one, if you want a queen: earn her” is one of her better quips. But strategically she knows it’s better to just screw him, which she does off screen (eternally grateful, thanks writers!), and Euron is characteristically repellent and gross after, asking if he was better than Robert and Jaime, sleazily rubbing Cersei’s belly, telling her he’ll be putting a prince up in there *vomits*. The most important takeaway from this scene is: Cersei takes a big ol’ swill of wine in order to tolerate Euron, which confirms that she lied to Tyrion and Jaime about being pregnant (if you recall – that was how she tricked Tyrion into guessing she was pregnant last season – refusing to imbibe).

YARA AND THEON

Poor Yara is still tied up on Euron’s ship, having been there since he captured her what must have been months ago on the show. He laments to her before making port that he and she are the only Greyjoys left with balls. Eunuch humor is hot this episode. While Euron is living his best life screwing Cersei, Theon and company kill everyone on board the ship (pretty dumb cutting out everyone’s tongue, Euron – none of them could scream warnings to each other) and rescue her. She reacts accordingly by head butting her cowardly brother, and then helping him up so they can skedaddle. Few people can take a beating like Theon Greyjoy – fucker keeps on getting back up, though. Yara determines that Theon really wants to go and help Jon Snow up at Winterfell, which it seems he’ll be doing now that he’s freed his sister.

SANSA AND TYRION

Woo boy – this reunion had me like:

If you go on technicality, Sansa and Tyrion are still married, legally speaking. It was never officially annulled because as Tyrion points out – she disappeared at Joffrey’s wedding, which led to Tyrion’s arrest for regicide. Sansa seems mildly apologetic at best, which is why I still can’t fucking stand Sansa Stark. Because in actuality, being Tyrion’s wife spared her from god only knows what during that horrific year she spent down at King’s Landing. He never tried to have sex with her (unlike her second husband, who raped her on their wedding night – and probably more than just that once), and he never beat on her or mistreated her. In fact – she ran off with the very scumbag who would sell her to Ramsey Bolton. Tyrion doesn’t deserve her scorn. However – she does rightly call him on his shit for falling for Cersei’s pledge to help the north, because duh! “I used to think you were the cleverest man alive,” she says before slinking away. Coming from the slowest learner in Westeros: ouch.

SAM AND JORAH

Let me just say, the ham-fisted logic of this scene is enough to make you roll the eyes out of your head, if you think about it more than even a smidge. Sam is up in the Winterfell library – despite the fact that his best friend has just returned home, he doesn’t meet the royal retinue with the rest of the manor, and as we find out later – Jon doesn’t even know Sam is on the property! SO HOW THE FUCK DO DANY AND JORAH KNOW SAM IS IN WINTERFELL!? Ahem. Anyway – Dany and Jorah make a point to find Sam and shower him with praise for curing Jorah of his greyscale so he could return to the Khaleesi’s friendzone. Everything is going wonderfully until Sam mentions he swiped some books from the Citadel along with the Tarley family sword and would like a pardon for it. You guys… the faces though! Dany and Jorah did a decent job managing their cringe expressions but internally it was: SHIT SHIT SHIT WE DONE BURNED YOUR FAMILY, FUCKING HELL WHAT DO WE SAY? It played out like something out of an Abbott and Costello skit, or that part in Robin Hood: Men in Tights when Robin is asking Blinkin about the well-being of all of his (dead) loved ones:

Dany: Uh, gee, this is awkward – your dad refused to bend the knee, so… he was put to death.

Sam: [wtf!? Okay – dad hated me anyway, whatever] Oh, well… understood, at least I can go back home and visit my brother.

Dany and Jorah: …….

Sam: ….?

Dany: ….your brother stood with your dad, so.... my bad.

Sam: Oh. I, uh… can I take a minute? *runs crying from the room*

Dany: You do you, Sam!

A horrible way for Jon’s ladyfriend and bestie to meet - which is why Sam and Jon’s reunion isn’t as sweet as it might of have been – more on that later.

JON AND BRAN

Jon’s reunions are the most gut punching. When he lays eyes on Bran – whom he hasn’t seen since Bran’s coma after Jaime pushed him off the tower – you can see his heart jump up into his throat. Bran was just a helpless little boy, then – now he’s a man, Jon comments. “Well…almost,” Bran replies. Hahahaha! Three-eyed raven humor! Jon and Bran weren’t terribly close before their lives diverged, but now they are possibly the most important people on this show, in terms of magical mishegas. Bran and Jon are the two people most intimately acquainted with the Night King, after all. We didn’t see more than this initial meeting (in which Bran also awkwardly blurts out at Dany that the Night King has zombiefied Viserion and has breached the Wall), but these guys are destined to have at least one painfully uncomfortable conversation involving Three-eyed raven exposition and horror about Jon’s true parentage.

JON AND LYANNA MORMONT

In the great hall, Jon is acquainting Queen Dany with the highly suspicious Lords of the North, but Lyanna is just. not. having it. The little girl named after his secret mother scolds him like a bitter mother would: ‘you left here a King, and you came back a… I don’t even know what you are!’ She gives words to the 800lb gorilla in the room: they made Jon Snow the King in the North, and he repays them by going out and bending the knee to the dragon lady? For once Lady Mormont and Sansa are in agreement. Jon rightly reminds them: I can’t be king of a nation of corpses, which is what we’ll be if we don’t accept Dany’s help given her army and dragons! There’s a lot of grumbling and mistrust, especially after Tyrion grandstands about the importance of living people alliances and the Lannister army riding up to help out. This doesn’t bode well.

JON AND SANSA

I wouldn’t really define this as a reunion in the sense that say, Jon and Bran or Arya was – he’s last seen her only a month or two ago. But she’s become plenty annoyed with him, because undeservedly annoyed is Sansa’s default mode. I understand why she is, of course – Jon was chosen over her to rule Stark-land – and she’s honestly the most entitled to it, given Jon is a Targaryen and Bran isn’t even human anymore. So not only is that burn still fresh for her, but homeboy went and submitted their sovereignty to a foreigner after grandstanding hardcore for saving the North. But, Sansa does make fair points – Jon brought back a gigantic army and two ravenous dragons and she only budgeted for the Northerners – how long before they starve? Loved Dany’s clapback about what dragons eat: “Whatever they want.” Jon implores her to maintain her faith in him – and he’s right, but I hear the jealousy gears cranking in her head as she agrees.

JON AND SAM

Whelp, just after Sam flees his failed meetcute with Jorah and Dany, he runs right up to dead-eyed Bran and accosts him for not sending word to Jon sooner the news of his true origins. He’s also probably pissed that Bran didn’t tell him about his dead dad and brother, which, respect. Bran tells Sam it has to come from him because Bran isn’t actually Jon’s brother (step aside, Arya - Bran is actually the cold bitch in this family). So, Sam stumbles down into the Stark family crypt, where Jon is paying his respects to Ned’s grave. Jon is elated to see Sam- why aren’t you at the Citadel? How’s Gilly and Little Sam? Sam, still sore from learning of his family’s execution, doesn’t belabor his mission and straight up tells Jon that the flamethrowing dragon lady he brought home isn’t actually the heir to the Iron Throne – Jon, aka Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name, is. Jon is devastated – his whole life has been a lie, after all. His ‘father’ – the most honest dude in Westeros – was lying for years to save Jon from the wrath of Robert Baratheon to honor his sister’s dying wish. Jon immediately refutes any desire to be the king, but Sam twists the truth blade in by asserting that Jon is without question the better person to rule the Seven Kingdoms, if only because Jon knows the value of mercy – where Daenerys “dracarys” Targaryen isn’t so accomplished.

THE NIGHT'S WATCH AND THE WILDINGS

Tormund and Beric Dondarrion have successfully fled from the massacre at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, where the Night King and Viserion took down a large portion of the Wall and crossed into the Northlands. They and their small band of Wildlings have arrived at the closest manor to Eastwatch – the Last Hearth, home of the Umbers. This is important because this location has popped up in the opening credits for the very first time in 8 seasons – perhaps because this is the place where the Army of the Dead have made their first mass murder on Westerosi soil, because after bumping into Edd and the remaining men of the Night’s Watch, the reunited parties discover poor young Lord Umber staked into the wall of the Great Hall, surrounded by a circle of severed arms. Lord Umber isn’t actually dead though – he’s a wight, and he tries to kill an unsuspecting Beric, but winds up in flames after a quick stab from Beric’s flaming sword. It’s clearly a disturbing message from the Night King – but what is he actually saying? I can kill kids with more depravity than any other character on this show?

BRAN AND JAIME

There were a lot of funny moments in this episode – both ironically funny, and comically funny (on Edd accusing Tormund of being a wight because his eyes were blue: “MY EYES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BLUE!”). But what I laughed the hardest at was the ending scene, when Jaime Lannister thinks he has successfully snuck into Winterfell, only to dismount from his horse and turn to see Bran Stark staring directly at him with his cold, robot eyes. It’s one thing to rationally understand that the kid you threw out of a five story window to save your incestuous relationship with your sister survived his fall, and became crippled because of it – it’s quite another to lock eyes with him immediately upon arriving back at the place where the murder attempt occurred many years later. The actors played it perfectly – Jaime in utter shock and dread, Bran in detached omniscience.

REUNIONS WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN BUT DIDN’T

Lyanna Mormont and Jorah – granted, Jorah has been in exile for longer than Lyanna (who is the daughter of Jorah’s cousin, I believe) has been alive – but he’s in the company of the Queen now, and you’d think that’d be kind of a weird point of contention for House Mormont and the other Northern lords. Maybe it will come up next episode?

Brienne and Jaime – Brienne was nowhere to be found this episode, but considering Jaime only just arrived at the end, and in secret – I suppose they’re saving this reunion for next episode. She probably will be integral to Jaime’s survival – if he manages to live past episode two.

That out of the way, we can reflect on all the ways that this episode mirrored the pilot episode, because coming full circle is what happens in narrative masterpieces. It began with the arrival of a royal retinue at Winterfell – only this time, it was Daenerys coming to Jon’s home, and not Robert Baratheon coming to Ned’s. Scurrying children try to get better glimpses at those marching – but this time Bran and Arya aren’t among them. Arya, however, is among the common folk, as she was when Robert arrived all those years ago – and Sansa still doesn’t know where her sister is lurking.

Similarly, the Lady of Winterfell is less than thrilled to be entertaining the incoming regent – Catelyn Stark had no love for Cersei even before the Lannisters massacred her family, and Sansa certainly isn’t crazy about Daenerys Targaryen and the romantic grip she seems to have on her brother, the once King of the North.

Also, we have some more dismembered-body spiral art a la the White Walkers in this episode, though on a smaller scale than the one we saw in the pilot. I’m very curious to know if this is one of those J.J. Abrams style red herring symbols or if it actually means something to the Night King and what is driving his efforts to conquer the lands of the living.

Finally – this episode closed out with a fated encounter between Jaime Lannister and Brandon Stark. Only this time – it seems Bran will instigate a near-death experience for Jaime, and not the other way around. Every cell in my damn body is aching for Bran to utter the words: “the things I do for love.”

Some other noteworthy things transpired outside of the callback-framework of this episode. Because Lena Heady and Jerome Flynn are contractually guaranteed to never have scenes together, Qyburn interrupts Bronn during some sexposition to present him with the very crossbow that Tyrion used to kill Tywin, along with a cartload of gold and the promise that Bronn can have his much desired castle if he succeeds in killing Cersei’s traitorous brothers. Bronn seems okay with the proposition – we’ll see how that pans out, I guess.

Arya tells Jon that Sansa is the smartest person she knows –I felt like screaming “that’s only because you don’t know Tyrion Lannister” at her. Also – Bran is definitely smarter than Sansa, even if he isn’t necessarily a person in the traditional sense. And what about Jaquen Hagar? She was clearly just defending her sister in a rare but significant show of sisterly affection.

Davos, Varys, and Tyrion discuss the matter of the fragility of the alliances gathered at Winterfell, and Davos brings up the fact that a marriage between Jon and Dany seems like the best idea on the table towards bringing unity to the realm. Only Tyrion seems queasy about this – either because he has romantic feelings for Dany himself, or because he has concerns about Dany’s ability to rule, seeing she’s not been opposed to executing those in a manner similar to her father, the Mad King Aerys.

The best part of this episode (aside from Jon and Arya’s hug and Jaime and Bran’s glare down) was Jon and Dany’s dragon riding excursion!!! HBO broke the bank on this CGI sequence and dude – it was worth it. Jon mounts the very dragon named for his father, and accompanies Dany as she tries to cheer up her under-the-weather (heh) babies with a tour about the countryside. The whole of Winterfell glimpses Jon astride Rhaegal, which should be proof enough in a while that Jon is a bonafide Targaryen. When they land, Dany sees a big ol’ cave behind a pretty waterfall, and comments that they could get lost there together for years without being found, which is very specifically a meta reference to Ygritte and Jon’s fated union in a cave way back in season 2. You know – the one she says they never should have left as she lay dying in his arms some time later. Jon doesn’t get weird though – instead he cozies up to his aunt/Queen and they make out, while Drogon gives Jon the stare of death.

Not ready to call you 'dad' just yet....

I have to admit – those dragon eyes are terrifying – so it’s extra proof that he’s really made of stronger stuff when he doesn’t actually seemed that skeeved out that he’s been hooking up with his aunt when he finds out. Will Jon pull a Ned Stark and put truth before common sense by telling Dany his true identity? If he does, I think he’ll reject his claim on the throne and settle for Warden of the North should they survive the war with the Dead, and prop up Sansa as the true ruler of the North. I think he may come clean to her but not to the northern lords – they rallied behind him for a reason, if he breaks their trust in him it will upend their respect for Ned Stark and the whole region may fall into chaos. What a pickle!

Next episode is probably narrative filler and wrap ups for the time between where we left of and the fated Battle of Winterfell, which is hyped to surpass any battle ever filmed for television or film. Jamie has a lot to say and to answer for, and I better get at least one lascivious glance from Tormund at Brienne, if not a whole conversation.