The beginning of the end, friends. Before I go any further,
can I just say: what the fuck is with this show and burning children!?!?!? This
was the 5th one (unless I’m forgetting any)! I mean, the amount of
crispy adults far outnumber the kids but this is Westeros and valar margulis
and all that.
Season 8’s opener was primarily a functional one, because
there were 78263498763948567 reunions and introductions to be made, and a lot
of artistic mirroring to be done. I’ll mostly structure this recap in terms of
the reunions, beginning with Arya.
ARYA AND THE HOUND
The last time these road trippin’ pals saw each other, Arya
abandoned the Hound to die after Brienne of Tarth kicked him off the side of a
cliff in combat. “I robbed you before that,” Arya adds charmingly. The Hound warmly
informs her that she’s a cold little bitch (ten bucks says Maisie Williams gets
that as her final GOT tattoo) to have survived for this reunion to have occurred,
and wistfully leaves the forge area with his new Dragonglass axe, courtesy of….
ARYA AND GENDRY
Arya was defending the quality of Gendry’s smithing skills
when she confronted the Hound – this reunion was slightly more awkward, somehow,
because when last these kids saw each other they were, well, children, and now
they have seen some shit and are of
an age where sexual tension might be an obstacle in boy/girl interactions. I
don’t think (or at least – I fucking hope) that these two will be coupled up,
but there was a bit of discomfort realigning themselves to each other, because
when they parted ages ago, she heartbreakingly told him "I could be your family." He then followed: “You wouldn’t be my family; you’d be m’lady.” So he calls her
again, as they fall back into their economic class disparity banter while she
asks him to create a double edged weapon of Dragonglass for her. He rightly
wonders why she would need such a thing, since she’s got the Valyrian steel
Catspaw blade – but a lady is entitled to her secrets.
ARYA AND JON
This is the reunion I have been waiting years for – I fully
admit I shed (several) tears. Jon and Arya haven’t seen each other since the
day he left for the Night’s Watch, when he gifted her Needle and told her to “stick’em
with the pointy end.” These were the two siblings who cared most about each
other, neither caring much about convention or birthrights and titles. Their
hug directly mirrors the jumping one she laid on him so long ago. She proudly
shows him Needle – but doesn’t in detail share how many people she’s killed
with it when Jon asks her if she’s ever had to use it (the situational irony in
this episode is delicious!). So then
must Jon show her Longclaw, because Game of Thrones is nothing if not a
metaphorical dick measuring contest. There’s much for the two to share about
their lives in the years they’ve been apart, but there’s not time for that now –
I hope there will be later in the show because I’d love to hear her tell Jon
about her massacre of the Freys.
CERSEI AND EURON
Just as a concerned Qyburn rushes to tell Cersei the Night
King has breached the Wall (which she takes as good news) - Captain Fuckboy makes
good on his promise and returns to King’s Landing with the Golden Company (sans
elephants, much to Cersei’s chagrin) in tow. He’s followed through on his end
of their bargain, which is why he’s so cranky when Cersei initially refuses to
put out. I’ll give her this: “If you want a whore, buy one, if you want a
queen: earn her” is one of her better quips. But strategically she knows it’s
better to just screw him, which she does off screen (eternally grateful, thanks
writers!), and Euron is characteristically repellent and gross after, asking if
he was better than Robert and Jaime, sleazily rubbing Cersei’s belly, telling
her he’ll be putting a prince up in there *vomits*. The most important takeaway from this scene is: Cersei takes a big ol’ swill of wine in order to tolerate
Euron, which confirms that she lied to Tyrion and Jaime about being pregnant
(if you recall – that was how she tricked Tyrion into guessing she was pregnant
last season – refusing to imbibe).
YARA AND THEON
Poor Yara is still tied up on Euron’s ship, having been
there since he captured her what must have been months ago on the show. He laments
to her before making port that he and she are the only Greyjoys left with
balls. Eunuch humor is hot this episode. While Euron is living his best life screwing
Cersei, Theon and company kill everyone on board the ship (pretty dumb cutting
out everyone’s tongue, Euron – none of them could scream warnings to each other)
and rescue her. She reacts accordingly by head butting her cowardly brother,
and then helping him up so they can skedaddle. Few people can take a beating
like Theon Greyjoy – fucker keeps on getting back up, though. Yara determines
that Theon really wants to go and help Jon Snow up at Winterfell, which it
seems he’ll be doing now that he’s freed his sister.
SANSA AND TYRION
Woo boy – this reunion had me like:
If you go on technicality, Sansa and Tyrion are still married,
legally speaking. It was never officially annulled because as Tyrion points out
– she disappeared at Joffrey’s wedding, which led to Tyrion’s arrest for
regicide. Sansa seems mildly apologetic at best, which is why I still can’t
fucking stand Sansa Stark. Because in actuality, being Tyrion’s wife spared her
from god only knows what during that horrific year she spent down at King’s
Landing. He never tried to have sex with her (unlike her second husband, who
raped her on their wedding night – and probably more than just that once), and
he never beat on her or mistreated her. In fact – she ran off with the very
scumbag who would sell her to Ramsey Bolton. Tyrion doesn’t deserve her scorn.
However – she does rightly call him on his shit for falling for Cersei’s pledge
to help the north, because duh! “I used to think you were the cleverest man
alive,” she says before slinking away. Coming from the slowest learner in
Westeros: ouch.
SAM AND JORAH
Let me just say, the ham-fisted logic of this scene is
enough to make you roll the eyes out of your head, if you think about it more
than even a smidge. Sam is up in the Winterfell library – despite the fact that
his best friend has just returned home, he doesn’t meet the royal retinue with
the rest of the manor, and as we find out later – Jon doesn’t even know Sam is
on the property! SO HOW THE FUCK DO DANY AND JORAH KNOW SAM IS IN WINTERFELL!?
Ahem. Anyway – Dany and Jorah make a point to find Sam and shower him with
praise for curing Jorah of his greyscale so he could return to the Khaleesi’s
friendzone. Everything is going wonderfully until Sam mentions he swiped some
books from the Citadel along with the Tarley family sword and would like a
pardon for it. You guys… the faces though! Dany and Jorah did a decent job
managing their cringe expressions but internally it was: SHIT SHIT SHIT WE DONE
BURNED YOUR FAMILY, FUCKING HELL WHAT DO WE SAY? It played out like something
out of an Abbott and Costello skit, or that part in Robin Hood: Men in Tights
when Robin is asking Blinkin about the well-being of all of his (dead) loved
ones:
Dany: Uh, gee, this is awkward – your dad refused to bend the knee, so… he was put to death.
Sam: [wtf!? Okay – dad hated me anyway, whatever] Oh, well… understood, at least I can go back home and visit my brother.
Dany and Jorah: …….
Sam: ….?
Dany: ….your brother stood with your dad, so.... my bad.
Sam: Oh. I, uh… can I take a minute? *runs crying from the room*
Dany: You do you, Sam!
A horrible way for Jon’s ladyfriend and bestie to meet - which is why Sam and Jon’s reunion isn’t as sweet as it might of have been – more on that later.
JON AND BRAN
Jon’s reunions are the most gut punching. When he lays eyes
on Bran – whom he hasn’t seen since Bran’s coma after Jaime pushed him off the
tower – you can see his heart jump up into his throat. Bran was just a helpless
little boy, then – now he’s a man, Jon comments. “Well…almost,” Bran replies.
Hahahaha! Three-eyed raven humor! Jon and Bran weren’t terribly close before
their lives diverged, but now they are possibly the most important people on
this show, in terms of magical mishegas. Bran and Jon are the two people most
intimately acquainted with the Night King, after all. We didn’t see more than
this initial meeting (in which Bran also awkwardly blurts out at Dany that the
Night King has zombiefied Viserion and has breached the Wall), but these guys
are destined to have at least one painfully uncomfortable conversation
involving Three-eyed raven exposition and horror about Jon’s true
parentage.
JON AND LYANNA MORMONT
In the great hall, Jon is acquainting Queen Dany with the
highly suspicious Lords of the North, but Lyanna is just. not. having it. The
little girl named after his secret mother scolds him like a bitter mother would:
‘you left here a King, and you came back a… I don’t even know what you are!’
She gives words to the 800lb gorilla in the room: they made Jon Snow the King
in the North, and he repays them by going out and bending the knee to the
dragon lady? For once Lady Mormont and Sansa are in agreement. Jon rightly reminds
them: I can’t be king of a nation of corpses, which is what we’ll be if we don’t
accept Dany’s help given her army and dragons! There’s a lot of grumbling and
mistrust, especially after Tyrion grandstands about the importance of living people
alliances and the Lannister army riding up to help out. This doesn’t bode well.
JON AND SANSA
I wouldn’t really define this as a reunion in the sense that
say, Jon and Bran or Arya was – he’s last seen her only a month or two ago. But
she’s become plenty annoyed with him, because undeservedly annoyed is Sansa’s
default mode. I understand why she is, of course – Jon was chosen over her to
rule Stark-land – and she’s honestly the most entitled to it, given Jon is a
Targaryen and Bran isn’t even human anymore. So not only is that burn still
fresh for her, but homeboy went and submitted their sovereignty to a foreigner
after grandstanding hardcore for saving the North. But, Sansa does make fair
points – Jon brought back a gigantic army and two ravenous dragons and she only
budgeted for the Northerners – how long before they starve? Loved Dany’s
clapback about what dragons eat: “Whatever they want.” Jon implores her to
maintain her faith in him – and he’s right, but I hear the jealousy gears
cranking in her head as she agrees.
JON AND SAM
Whelp, just after Sam flees his failed meetcute with Jorah
and Dany, he runs right up to dead-eyed Bran and accosts him for not sending
word to Jon sooner the news of his true origins. He’s also probably pissed that
Bran didn’t tell him about his dead dad and brother, which, respect. Bran tells
Sam it has to come from him because Bran isn’t actually Jon’s brother (step
aside, Arya - Bran is actually the cold bitch in this family). So, Sam stumbles
down into the Stark family crypt, where Jon is paying his respects to Ned’s
grave. Jon is elated to see Sam- why aren’t you at the Citadel? How’s Gilly and
Little Sam? Sam, still sore from learning of his family’s execution, doesn’t
belabor his mission and straight up tells Jon that the flamethrowing dragon
lady he brought home isn’t actually the heir to the Iron Throne – Jon, aka
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name, is. Jon is devastated – his whole life has
been a lie, after all. His ‘father’ – the most honest dude in Westeros – was lying
for years to save Jon from the wrath of Robert Baratheon to honor his sister’s
dying wish. Jon immediately refutes any desire to be the king, but Sam twists
the truth blade in by asserting that Jon is without question the better person
to rule the Seven Kingdoms, if only because Jon knows the value of mercy –
where Daenerys “dracarys” Targaryen isn’t so accomplished.
THE NIGHT'S WATCH AND THE WILDINGS
Tormund and Beric Dondarrion have successfully fled from the
massacre at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, where the Night King and Viserion took down a
large portion of the Wall and crossed into the Northlands. They and their small
band of Wildlings have arrived at the closest manor to Eastwatch – the Last
Hearth, home of the Umbers. This is important because this location has popped
up in the opening credits for the very first time in 8 seasons – perhaps
because this is the place where the Army of the Dead have made their first mass
murder on Westerosi soil, because after bumping into Edd and the remaining men
of the Night’s Watch, the reunited parties discover poor young Lord Umber
staked into the wall of the Great Hall, surrounded by a circle of severed arms.
Lord Umber isn’t actually dead though – he’s a wight, and he tries to kill an
unsuspecting Beric, but winds up in flames after a quick stab from Beric’s
flaming sword. It’s clearly a disturbing message from the Night King – but what
is he actually saying? I can kill kids with more depravity than any other
character on this show?
BRAN AND JAIME
There were a lot of funny moments in this episode – both ironically
funny, and comically funny (on Edd accusing Tormund of being a wight because
his eyes were blue: “MY EYES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BLUE!”). But what I laughed the
hardest at was the ending scene, when Jaime Lannister thinks he has successfully
snuck into Winterfell, only to dismount from his horse and turn to see Bran
Stark staring directly at him with his cold, robot eyes. It’s one thing to
rationally understand that the kid you threw out of a five story window to save
your incestuous relationship with your sister survived his fall, and became
crippled because of it – it’s quite another to lock eyes with him immediately
upon arriving back at the place where the murder attempt occurred many years
later. The actors played it perfectly – Jaime in utter shock and dread, Bran in
detached omniscience.
REUNIONS WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN BUT DIDN’T
Lyanna Mormont and Jorah – granted, Jorah has been in exile
for longer than Lyanna (who is the daughter of Jorah’s cousin, I believe) has
been alive – but he’s in the company of the Queen now, and you’d think that’d
be kind of a weird point of contention for House Mormont and the other Northern
lords. Maybe it will come up next episode?
Brienne and Jaime – Brienne was nowhere to be found this episode, but considering Jaime only just arrived at the end, and in secret – I suppose they’re saving this reunion for next episode. She probably will be integral to Jaime’s survival – if he manages to live past episode two.
That out of the way, we can reflect on all the ways that
this episode mirrored the pilot episode, because coming full circle is what
happens in narrative masterpieces. It began with the arrival of a royal retinue
at Winterfell – only this time, it was Daenerys coming to Jon’s home, and not
Robert Baratheon coming to Ned’s. Scurrying children try to get better glimpses
at those marching – but this time Bran and Arya aren’t among them. Arya,
however, is among the common folk, as she was when Robert arrived all those
years ago – and Sansa still doesn’t know where her sister is lurking.
Similarly, the Lady of Winterfell is less than thrilled to
be entertaining the incoming regent – Catelyn Stark had no love for Cersei even
before the Lannisters massacred her family, and Sansa certainly isn’t crazy
about Daenerys Targaryen and the romantic grip she seems to have on her brother,
the once King of the North.
Also, we have some more dismembered-body spiral art a la the
White Walkers in this episode, though on a smaller scale than the one we saw in
the pilot. I’m very curious to know if this is one of those J.J. Abrams style
red herring symbols or if it actually means something to the Night King and
what is driving his efforts to conquer the lands of the living.
Finally – this episode closed out with a fated encounter
between Jaime Lannister and Brandon Stark. Only this time – it seems Bran will
instigate a near-death experience for Jaime, and not the other way around.
Every cell in my damn body is aching for Bran to utter the words: “the things I
do for love.”
Some other noteworthy things transpired outside of the
callback-framework of this episode. Because Lena Heady and Jerome Flynn are
contractually guaranteed to never have scenes together, Qyburn interrupts Bronn
during some sexposition to present him with the very crossbow that Tyrion used
to kill Tywin, along with a cartload of gold and the promise that Bronn can have
his much desired castle if he succeeds in killing Cersei’s traitorous brothers.
Bronn seems okay with the proposition – we’ll see how that pans out, I guess.
Arya tells Jon that Sansa is the smartest person she knows –I
felt like screaming “that’s only because you don’t know Tyrion Lannister” at
her. Also – Bran is definitely smarter than Sansa, even if he isn’t necessarily
a person in the traditional sense. And what about Jaquen Hagar? She was clearly
just defending her sister in a rare but significant show of sisterly affection.
Davos, Varys, and Tyrion discuss the matter of the fragility
of the alliances gathered at Winterfell, and Davos brings up the fact that a
marriage between Jon and Dany seems like the best idea on the table towards
bringing unity to the realm. Only Tyrion seems queasy about this – either because
he has romantic feelings for Dany himself, or because he has concerns about
Dany’s ability to rule, seeing she’s not been opposed to executing those in a
manner similar to her father, the Mad King Aerys.
The best part of this episode (aside from Jon and Arya’s hug
and Jaime and Bran’s glare down) was Jon and Dany’s dragon riding excursion!!!
HBO broke the bank on this CGI sequence and dude – it was worth it. Jon mounts
the very dragon named for his father, and accompanies Dany as she tries to
cheer up her under-the-weather (heh) babies with a tour about the countryside.
The whole of Winterfell glimpses Jon astride Rhaegal, which should be proof
enough in a while that Jon is a bonafide Targaryen. When they land, Dany sees a
big ol’ cave behind a pretty waterfall, and comments that they could get lost
there together for years without being found, which is very specifically a meta
reference to Ygritte and Jon’s fated union in a cave way back in season 2. You
know – the one she says they never should have left as she lay dying in his
arms some time later. Jon doesn’t get weird though – instead he cozies up to
his aunt/Queen and they make out, while Drogon gives Jon the stare of death.
 |
| Not ready to call you 'dad' just yet.... |
I have to admit – those dragon eyes are terrifying – so it’s
extra proof that he’s really made of stronger stuff when he doesn’t actually
seemed that skeeved out that he’s been hooking up with his aunt when he finds
out. Will Jon pull a Ned Stark and put truth before common sense by telling
Dany his true identity? If he does, I think he’ll reject his claim on the
throne and settle for Warden of the North should they survive the war with the
Dead, and prop up Sansa as the true ruler of the North. I think he may come
clean to her but not to the northern lords – they rallied behind him for a
reason, if he breaks their trust in him it will upend their respect for Ned
Stark and the whole region may fall into chaos. What a pickle!
Next episode is probably narrative filler and wrap ups for
the time between where we left of and the fated Battle of Winterfell, which is
hyped to surpass any battle ever filmed for television or film. Jamie has a lot
to say and to answer for, and I better get at least one lascivious glance from
Tormund at Brienne, if not a whole conversation.
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