Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 8

By and large, this episode is a giant exercise in anti-climax. The only storyline followed in this hour and six minutes that was even remotely satisfying in a cathartic sense was Arya’s, and maybe slightly the Hound’s. Like clockwork, the most action-packed/gripping GoT episodes are the penultimate ones, so next week’s Battle of the Bastards will surely be more text book edge-of-your-seat entertainment. I guess that’s why the writers chose to have pretty much everything that could have lived up to its hype end on a ‘meh’ note, watered down with comedic moments.

We begin with Lady Crane, who is breaking hearts again on stage as Cersei Lannister during Joffrey’s death scene. The fictionalized Cersei is far more sympathetic and compassionate than real-life Cersei, and thank the Old Gods and the New because when Crane finds a dying Arya in the back of the theater, she takes her home to care for her. Arya’s wounds seem to be superficial enough for Lady Crane (with only years’ worth of abusive relationships as medical training) to patch her up; the surrogate mother pampers her once-would-be-assassin and makes sure Arya gets some soup and sleep.

While Arya rests, we are caught up on what the Hound is up to – which is straight up murdering sleazy dudes in the forest. Despite the carnage, the whole thing plays out as situational comedy: the Hound mocks his victims for their choice in last words as he dispatches with four guys who weren’t even his intended victims and who didn’t offer any useful information about where those particular three murderers were. He does eventually stumble across those guys further down the path – but they’ve already been captured for their heinous crime by the Brotherhood Without Banners, with nooses already around their necks. Wouldn’t you know it – BERIC “RESURRECTION” DONDARRION is there himself meeting out justice! The ensuing reunion between the Hound and Beric (whom we last saw post-resurrection after being cut down by none other than the Hound himself) was excellent writing – enough cynical, biting dialogue to satisfy the most ardent Tarantino fans. The Hound wants to kill the villains himself to avenge his friends – Beric says he can have one. TWO, the Hound counters. They settle on two – Sandor Clegane kicks the stools out from under the two fuckers on the left and Beric takes care of the other guy. That being settled – the Hound asks for a bite to eat, because he’s had a full day of murdering and could use a refresher. Beric and company oblige him, and another discussion about violence’s place in the world happens. It seems the Brotherhood are in the know about what’s about to happen up North with the advance of the White Walkers, so they’re headed up that way because as followers of the Lord of Light – they are compelled to serve a purpose greater than themselves. "Lots of horrible shit gets done in this world for something larger than ourselves," the Hound replies. This part of the episode was uncomfortable to watch in light of the fact that not even 24 hours earlier, the deadliest mass shooting on American soil took place in Orlando, FL. There are a lot of critics who decry GoT for its gratuitous depictions of senseless violence – myself included from time to time. However: I feel that as a society we should be less offended by fictional occurrences on television – however gratuitous or exploitative – and more affronted by how pathetically close our actual society mirrors a fake medieval one in the amount of hatred and violence we inflict upon each other. We should treat GoT as an example of what happens when the mentality of “you’ll never get rid of violence” is the de facto motto of the masses: we shouldn’t be resigning ourselves to this fact. The Hound might have decided that his foray into pacifism was a failed venture – but we shouldn’t give up so easily.

Let’s now talk about an example of avoided bloodshed, a rarity on this show. Brienne and Pod have reached Riverrun, and much to her surprise, she finds the surrounding area occupied by Jaime Lannister’s (they aren’t even pretending to be in service of the Crown, really, although they are technically) army. She easily gets access to Ser Jaime, her former BFF, but their reunion is fraught; soiled by the fact that they are currently fighting for opposing sides, which Jaime points out (Sansa is still wanted for her assumed role in Joffrey’s murder, and to have the Starks retake Winterfell is basically the opposite of what the Crown would want to happen). But Jaime lets her have a go at convincing the Blackfish to vacate the castle in order to travel (under a temporary truce) North so that he can aid Sansa at reclaiming Winterfell. Simultaneously, we witness another reunion of sorts: Podrick and Bronn. Bronn sneaks up on Pod and then proceeds to fuck with him for a small chunk of screen time to lighten the mood. It seems that the writers felt for every conflict there must also be a comedic relief this episode, and this part was unnecessary but welcome, much like the Hound’s banter with the Brotherhood earlier. Bronn asks Pod if he thinks Brienne and Jaime are fucking in the tent, which segues into Bronn casually stating he would def get it on with Brienne – wouldn’t Pod? Which segues into a training session where Bronn schools Pod on hand to hand combat ("Lesson number 1: assume everyone wants to hit you, because they do" -SMACK).

Brienne tries her best at reasoning with Blackfish, but he shoots her down, refusing to give up his advantage because: 1) He distrusts Jaime Lannister’s word about the truce, 2) Is unwilling to help Sansa, despite his sympathy for the situation, because he barely has enough men to hold down this fort, let alone take on the Boltons, and 3) He’s a miserable old bastard who would rather die in his former home than let the stinking Frey’s have it. Brienne is crushed: she sends Pod off to inform Sansa of her failure.

 

Jaime, in the mean time, is carrying out his plan B. He has a sit down with POW Edmure Tully, who understandably has NO patience for whatever shit Jaime’s trying to pull with this nice-cop act. We know that Jaime isn’t being insincere when he tells Edmure he would arrange for a meeting with his wife and son, or that he respected his sister, Catelyn, because of her fierce love for her children – but to Edmure this is just baseless soothsaying from a repeat oath-breaker. He says to Jaime that on some level, Jaime must understand that he is an evil man. Jaime counters that all the things he does, he does for love (remember when he said that before he pushed Bran out of the tower in Winterfell?), especially for Cersei. He makes it abundantly clear that to get home to Cersei, he would behave much in the way that Catelyn Stark did for those she loved, whether that involved releasing a prized hostage or slaughtering a whole army of Tully men - not to mention Edmure's toddler son, whom he threatened to catapult over the wall of Riverrun. Edmure is technically the heir to the Tully name and is responsible for the lives of his bannermen, and is thusly convinced by Jaime’s threat to approach the drawbridge and demand entry as the rightful Lord of Riverrun. The Blackfish knows that Edmure is tainted goods: he commands the men to ignore Edmure’s request because it’s a coerced request. But the men are honor bound to obey their Lord, so they let Edmure in, and as such they forfeit the castle because once inside, Edmure orders the men to lay down their arms. This is a good example of a phenomenon I like to call “Ned Starking:” when people act in order to uphold an ethical ideal despite the fact that this very action is in direct conflict with their best interests. The Lannisters storm the castle and Blackfish, in one last decent act, helps Brienne and Pod escape in a row boat. Blackfish goes down swinging off camera and dies during his last stand. Jaime seems indifferent about that news as he watches Brienne get away down the river. He may not be in love with Brienne, as she may still be with him, but he does respect her enough to let her escape to return to the service of Sansa Stark, one of his family’s sworn enemies. They wave goodbye to each other in a rather poignant moment: Jaime Lannister (on the show, at least) is a complicated guy who isn’t lying when he says whatever violence or misdeeds he perpetrates, he does as an act of love. He retook Riverrun for love of Cersei, but he did it bloodlessly out of respect for Brienne.

Cersei isn’t doing quite as well as Jaime in terms of wins. There is tease of a confrontation in the Red Keep – the Faith Militant shows up to force Cersei to report to the High Sparrow at the Sept of Baelor.  She finally gets to utter the “I choose violence” line we’ve been looking forward to all season: and instead of a bloodbath, we get Franken-Mountain ripping the jaw off of one Sparrow and the rest running away in retreat. NOOOOOOO! I wanted a proper wipe-out of the Faith Militant, and was denied. Cersei got to be smug for ten minutes before the rug was pulled out from under her by her own son, the King, who has decreed from the Iron Throne that Trial By Combat would be outlawed in all the Seven Kingdoms as an act of barbarity and a way for corrupt nobles to evade prosecution. SUCKERPUNCH – this was Cersei’s ace in the hole since last season’s Walk of Shame, and now that’s been taken away from her too. Tommen is also lost to her now – plus she’s toast because all of the Septons hate her and will surely vote to have her executed for her crimes. But wait! Maester Qyburn has intel from his child-sources about something promising (yet unnamed) in Cersei’s interest. Although it isn’t confirmed, based on Bran’s vision depicting the Mad King’s Wildfire caches, I’m going to go with they’ve found some of the stuff that wasn’t used up in the Battle of Blackwater and Cersei’s going to try and pull a Daenerys and burn Kings Landing (or at least the Sept) to the ground.

Speaking of Dany, in Meereen Tyrion is patting himself on the back for his “successful” enlistment of the Cult of R’hllor, because the city is thriving again. Varys is less quick to consider it a job well done, and we find out he’s off for Westeros to put out feelers about getting ships for Dany’s conquest (assuming she ever comes back). Tyrion peer pressures Greyworm and Missandei into enjoying some wine with him in the pyramid and an adorable exchange of jokes takes place. I especially enjoyed Missandei’s first foray into humor with a joke about what would happen to two translators on a sinking ship (“I can call for help in 19 different languages!”). The merriment and Tyrion’s joke beginning "I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass-" are cut short, however, by an attack on the city: the Masters have come to take Meereen back in spite of Tyrion’s negotiation.

 

 At first when I saw the ships in the harbor I thought Yara and Theon had traveled at warp speed to get to the Dragon Queen, but nope – it was a fleet of war ships from the other cities along Slaver’s Bay, and boy do their trebuchets pack a punch. Greyworm puts down Tyrion for his naivety and rightly blames this debacle on his poor judgement. He insists that the denizens of Meereen remain in the pyramid because it’s the only defensible location in the city. Greyworm’s plan is tested by a loud kerfuffle on the roof, and our beloved characters brace for the worst – only to be surprised by the Dues ex Machina return of Daenerys Targaryen, who had been dropped off seconds ago on the terrace by Drogon. We can see a shadow of Drogon flying over the sea in the background behind Dany, so again we are denied actual footage of cool shit happening and are just meant to assume that we’ve won that battle.

We return to Arya, who seems to be doing pretty well under Lacy Crane’s care (despite the fact that she almost certainly would be half dead from sepsis in real life). Crane says Arya should join the traveling show, Arya says she wouldn’t be a good actress because she would forget her lines (isn’t she humble?). She says that she’d like to travel to whatever is west of Westeros (um, an ocean and then Essos, because the world is spherical, but I’ll let that slide). Lady Crane leaves the room to get more medicine, and is met by a weird looking boy – and we all know it isn’t actually a boy, but the Waif, who has come for Arya again. RIP Lady Crane – you were too kind for this world, so you had to go.

Choose your preferred Terminator Reference

 

The last ten minutes of this episode played out like a horror movie, because the Waif came off awfully Bogeyman-ish as she chased Arya through the streets of Braavos. She was like the Terminator – doing the determined slow walk and yet still catching up to our heroine, refusing to die like Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees.  Arya is bleeding from her wounds again and takes a couple of really bad stumbles – but it becomes clear that she’s leading the Waif someplace specific with her trail of blood. Finally, the showdown we’ve been waiting for: the Waif has Arya cornered in a windowless  room, only now Arya has Needle (because this is the room she hid out in after she abandoned the House of Black and White). Arya uses the last card up her sleeve and extinguishes the only light in the room – cutting to black. AGAIN WE ARE DENIED A PROPER FIGHT BETWEEN OUR PROTAGONIST AND HER AGRESSOR! God dammit! We do get to see that Jaqen discovers the Waif’s severed face in the Hall of Faces, and rather than kill Arya when she holds him at the point of her sword, he is impressed with her moxy. “A girl has truly become No One,” he says with pride, and we are rewarded with Arya’s uberpredictable but oh-so-desired response: "A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I'm going home." It’s hugely satisfying: Arya has had so many aliases and different identities in order to survive over the course of the show; she’s now fully capable of embracing her name and her destiny back home in Westeros. I could make a comparison to another orphan who went off on a long quest to become skilled enough to metaphorically avenge their parents’ deaths (*cough cough BATMAN cough cough*), but Arya and Bruce Wayne lack other thematic similarities for that to really be a true analogy. But wouldn’t BatGirl be an awesome mashup!?!?

 

Maybe Arya’s not a master assassin/detective, but I have high hopes for her survival if she does make it back to the Seven Kingdoms. Who’s next on her hit list? Cersei Lannister? Walder Frey? Let’s hope she gets to cross another name off of it in a way that is most helpful to Sansa and Jon’s story arcs next season!

Next Episode: The Battle of the Bastards – Jon verbally requests a Do Not Resuscitate from Davos. DOWN WITH RAMSEY BOLTON!