Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6

 

Not very much happened in terms of forward momentum in this episode, but the bickering and banter made the action that much more suspenseful. Like the penultimate episodes that have preceeded it, “Beyond the Wall” put our favorite characters in a really dangerous situation, only to have them all rescued via deux es machina. Season 5 saw Dany rescued by Drogon after an attempt on her life in the fighting pits of Meereen, Season 6’s was the Battle of the Bastards in which the Knights of the Vale showed up just as Jon was about to suffocate under a mass of dead bodies, and Season 7 pitted the Fellowship of the Wight against the Army of the Dead, and Dany saved the day with her dragons. RIP Viserion – we hardly knew ye.

The Magnificent Seven plus a few redshirt Wildlings are trekking across the barren wasteland of the Land of Always Winter, and the boys are chit-chatting to pass the time and stave off the cold. Gendry, poor summer child, admits he’s never even seen snow before, let alone been exposed to the Arctic temps of the Far North. He asks Tormund how the Wildings managed to stay warm, and the first in a long series of gems is uttered:

 

It is also revealed that Gendry is still reasonably pissed at Beric and Thoros for selling him to Melisandre, but his description of what she inflicted on him sounded like a snippet from Fifty Shades of Grey, so the Hound basically tells him he’s being a little whiny bitch about being molested by a hot woman, using Beric’s six deaths as a model for “not whinging.”

Jon and Jorah speak about their fathers; Jon obviously still reveres Jeor, and Jorah admits Ned wanted to cut off Jorah’s head for his crimes, and he would have been justified in doing it. Jon feels guilty that he’s still carrying Longclaw, which was the ancestral Valyrian steel sword of the Mormont house that Jeor repurposed for him, so he tries to give it back to Jorah. Jorah refuses to accept it and tells Jon he should keep it for his children – because he’s a King now, so he’ll have to make heirs, dontcha know? This is the first time the topic of succession is brought up by one of Dany’s advisors, put a pin in that.

We head South of the Wall to Winterfell, where Arya decides to use a nice vignette about when Ned caught her shooting arrows in the courtyard and meerly clapped in approval to reveal to Sansa that she knows about her letter to Robb from so long ago, begging the Starks to make peace with the Lannisters and bend the knee for Joffrey. This was Littlefinger’s desired outcome, of course: because Arya and Sansa lay out all of their sibling grievances with bitter precision.  Arya insists that Sansa had a hand in getting Ned killed, she betrayed her family to side with the Lannisters and did nothing but watch Ned get his head chopped off – she knows because she was in the crowd and saw it happen. From a feminist standpoint this isn’t wholly defensible- we know Sansa was terrorized into writing the letter, and that the day Ned died she thought Joffrey would be pardoning Ned, which is why she clapped back: saying that she was coerced to write the note and they lied to her about what would happen, and Arya didn’t run in to the rescue either. She sneers that Arya would never have survived what she survived (YOU FUCKING IGNORANT BITCH –tirade on this to come), implying Arya was off at Springbreak in Cancun or something while Sansa was pushed around like a pawn in King’s Landing. Arya went for the low blow bringing Lyanna Mormont into the argument, dismissing Sansa’s “I was a child” excuse as bullshit because Lyanna is younger now than Sansa was then and she would have died, like Arya, before she would betray her House in such a way. This unveils Sansa’s true face, finally: she snaps that Arya wouldn’t even be in Winterfell if it weren’t for Sansa, because Jon lost the Battle of the Bastards and the Knights of the Vale saved the day because of her!

This is why I have always hated Sansa Stark. Despite Arya having grown into a mass-murdering sociopath, she’s still a more morally courageous person than Sansa. To be clear – I didn’t wish Sansa’s sexual brutalization and manipulation and abuse on her, nor would I on anyone. She survived a ton of shit, and she’s still functioning – this is admirable. But Sansa was a shitty person before she was married off to two different enemies of her house, and remains a petulant entitled bitch. She is right in that without her call for aid, the Stark/Wilding alliance would have failed and Ramsey would still be Lord of Winterfell. She is indeed the Lady of Winterfell, since Bran abdicated his claim to the title. But she suffers from the same delusions of grandeur as Cersei Lannister – she may have been oppressed and belittled and not taken seriously because she's a girl, but this doesn’t mean every idea and policy she adapts as an 'adult' is correct or valid. The real reason the Northmen rallied around Jon is because he’s a honorable leader with opinions that aren’t necessarily popular but prove to be successful more often than not – he’s kind hearted, and was raised from the dead so has a GOD on his side. Is it fair that Jon is so much more revered, given we know he isn’t even Ned’s bastard? I say yes –his respect is earned, despite his mistakes. Sansa may have survived much and is holding down the fort well enough – but she’s a jealous elitist at heart. Arya threw off her entire identity – literally once she got to Braavos – to make her dream of completing her Kill List and avenging her family a reality. She lived in squalor, in abject physical danger for years. She survived being blinded for hubris, and later a stabbing – and triumphed. Sansa never saved herself. Whether it was Littlefinger or Theon, some guy was necessary for her rescue. I don't mean Sansa is not capable of saving herself - SHE HERSELF HAS NEVER SAVED HERSELF - SHE LACKS AGENCY. Sansa chose to listen to Littlefinger before he sold her to Ramsey fucking Bolton when Brienne tried to save her, and she still confides in him like he’s a friend – she fucking runs right to him after her clash with Arya! She frets about Arya exposing her to the bannermen, whose allegiance is verifiably fickle (“they’re bloody weather vanes” she mutters). Littlefinger reassures her that Arya is a Stark and wouldn’t endanger Sansa even if she doesn’t like her. He recommends that Brienne be brought in to mediate since she is honorbound to serve both girls. This idea seems to bring Sansa some peace of mind; I am unsure why because later Sansa receives a summons from CERSEI of all people asking her to come South, and Sansa’s immediate reaction is to send Brienne away in her stead. Brienne almost refuses to go – she says it’s too dangerous to leave Sansa alone in the North; Littlefinger has likely been whispering in all the bannermen’s ears so he and they can’t be trusted. Sansa lashes out like another privilged twat (*cough cough* Joffrey *cough cough*), complaining that she doesn’t need to be be watched and minded because she is the Lady of Winterfell and she is home. She won’t go down South herself because she suspects the Lannisters want to take her hostage, so she kicks Brienne out without any room for discussion, destination King’s Landing. So why, considering that she seemed comforted by the idea that Brienne would be an effective buffer between herself and Arya, does she send Brienne away? She could very easily have ignored Cersei’s letter – which she promptly burns, if you didn’t notice, so Arya wouldn’t have some other physical evidence of yet another one of her misdeeds. I think Sansa sent Brienne away because she’s becoming increasingly paranoid; perhaps Brienne would side with Arya, given that Arya could kill Brienne if she really wanted to. Whatever her flawed logic – there really is no one left to “save” Sansa now, in her eyes, except for Littlefinger – so she’s fallen right in the trap he set. Sorry for the tirade – I’m just sick of reading whiny feminist blog headlines like “What Does Sansa Have To Do Before She Will Be Taken Seriously/Be Liked?” She could grow the fuck up, have Littlefinger executed, be loyal to Jon until a new arrangement has been made, and admit her youthful idiocy so she can overcome it, to name a few.

Dany and Tyrion are doing their own bickering back at Dragonstone. Dany is irked that all the dudes have gone off to play hero – she rattles off a list of heroic men who are fools for glory: Drogo, Jorah, Daario… ‘and this Jon Snow.’ Tyrion points out that it’s funny she just named all the dudes who have been (and some who still are) in love with her. “Jon Snow isn’t in love with me” “Naw, he just stares longingly at you because he wants a military alliance” “He’s too little for me” “…” “Fuck, I just made a height joke to a dwarf.” Tyrion uses this time to work on Varys’ request that he reign Dany in a little, bringing up her BBQ of Randyll and Dickon Tarly; he sticks to his guns that it was the wrong call because it was a move her ancestors would have made – and she seeks to remake the world paradigm, so she should try mercy. This is some of Tyrion’s toughest love – he says all Cersei and Aegon (the first Targaryen conquerer) had as far as leadership goes is fear; Dany wants to break the wheel Aegon himself built, which is a task that could take more than her lifetime – which brings up the question of how best to keep the wheel broken: ie “what do we do about succession since you say you can’t have human babies?” This was Dany’s limit – she snarls that she won’t discuss her successor until after she wears the crown. I agree- let’s not count the proverbial eggs before they’re hatched, Tyrion, even though what you’re implying is that Dany should install some kind of democracy, which will bring Westeros into an Enlightenment period, so kudos.

I skipped some of the journey North, which was pretty humorous and it broke up the heaviness of the Winterfell/Dragonstone storylines nicely. FINALLY we have some interaction between Tormund and the Hound; Tormund taunts Clegane as having been “kissed by fire” just like gingers, and pines for the large blonde woman at Winterfell, which the Hound quickly deduces is the woman who felled him, Brienne of Tarth.

 

It’s fucking adorable. “I’ve met her.”  Clegane points out the arrowhead-shaped mountain he saw in his vision, so they know they’re getting close. Fun fact – the very ground they stand on in this scene was the sight of a stone circle back when the Children of the Forest ruled the land millenia before they fucked up and created the Night King.

 

The group later faces off against a zombie polar bear, which results in the death of a red shirt and Thoros gets bitten before the monster is neutralized. Beric cauterizes the wound with his flaming sword and they press on. Eventually, they come upon a White Walker and a platoon of wights, and manage to kill the Walker – taking out all of the weights EXCEPT ONE. It’s like an old vampire myth; if you kill the Alpha vamp, the ones he turned will be cured. Mental gynmastics are required for this – the remaining wight must have been created by a different Walker than the one Jon killed. But the skeleton’s screeching alerts the MOTHERFUCKING STORM – our heroes don’t get very far before they’re surrounded, fleeing to a rocky outcrop in the middle of a frozen lake. They send Gendry off on foot (#stillrunning) back to Eastwatch to get out word to Dany – and boy does he pull a Forrest Gump because he collapses just outside the gates for Davos to find. In the mean time, the rest of the Fellowship is trapped, protected by the precarious barrier of the frozen lake; the Army of the Dead patiently waiting for the lake to freeze back up so they can cross it and kill them all. Jon says ominously that the only hope they have now is that Dany will come save them with her dragons….

….WHICH SHE IS DETERMINED TO DO, despite Tyrion’s pleas not to. She takes off with all of her dragon babies for the Far North wearing a tres glamorous coat.

Daaaamn Mom - you look good!

Thoros dies over night, and Beric lights up his sword to burn the body. Why the hell he didn’t light up the sword just to keep the dude warm through the night is beyond me, but whatever. Now that our resident resurrector  is dead and Melisandre is off in Essos, life seems much more final now. To spit in the face of death (and out of boredom) the Hound starts throwing rocks at the wights, going full hobbit, alerting the Army that the lake has frozen over again when a rock skids across uninterrupted. The fight for the end ensues – the rest of the red shirts are torn apart and for a long minute it seemed Tormund was about to be drowned by the undead and I nearly had a seizure screaming “NO NO NO TAKE BERIC.”

Dany swoops in, the dragons burn through the ice and a large swath of the wight army. The dudes scramble to climb atop Drogon and Rheagal with the captive wight, and the Night King takes out Viserion with a single ice spear, spewing blood and guts all over, the great beast dying on the ice before sinking into the lake below.

 

Take note – the sonofabitch actually walks through flame here; so he appears to be fire resistant despite his icy countenence. Jon sees him gearing up to take out Drogon, so he fights off the wights who might make take off more difficult and sacrifices himself so the others can get away. I call full bullshit – this is the damn door/raft fallacy from Titanic all over again! Jon could have hopped on and they could have gotten away in time just the same. The spear chucked at Drogon just misses, and Jorah falls off, rescued by Tormund.

ALL ABOOOOOARD!!!

Jon sinks into what seems a watery grave as the rest of the Fellowship heads back to Eastwatch. He’s not dead, of course – the Lord of Light brought him back for a reason, dammit! But now that he’s on dry/frozen land again, he’s heavily outnumbered, with no hope of – OH WAIT WHAT IT’S UNCLE FUCKING BENJEN STARK TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ben saved Bran and Meera at the last minute in Season 6, and he’s stuck around to save Jon – which he does, sending him off on his horse while he faced off against the horde. Maybe Bran/3ER sent him? RIP Coldhands – that’s right folks, fucking Benioff and Weiss waited until the character fucking dies to admit that (for the purposes of the show, at least) Benjen was Coldhands, the much beloved mysterious book hero. Anyway, the remaining fellowship is preparing to head south via boat, but Dany won’t leave her perch on the Wall, because she is not-so-subtly holding out hope that Jon made it out. Poor Jorah – for the briefest of moments, it seemed like he may have had a chance to climb up out of the friendzone, and that ladder was swiftly pulled out from under him when Jon shows up on the horse.

COCKBLOCKED

On the ship, Davos has to literally break Jon’s clothes off of him because they’ve frozen solid. In real life, Jon would have died from hypothermia long before he even reached the Wall – but he’s already a zombie Jesus, so why not? As the men work on Jon’s frigid body, Dany sees his scars, and knows that he was being bashful about the fact that he did take a knife to the heart, and was reborn – just like her. He also probalby reminded her of a dying Drogo, who similarly perished of a chest wound.

We return to Winterfell, where Sansa is taking part in the age old ritual of raiding your sister’s bedroom for dirt on her. She finds something very disturbing and weird – a satchel full of severed human faces. Naturally, Arya has snuck up on her because she is a ninja assassin, and she explains to Sansa that while she was away in Braavos, she studied to be a Faceless Man. Part of her studies included a game – The Game of Faces. Won’t you play with me, Sansa? So you can fail to fool me with your lies?

Let's play a game.....

Sansa is scared shitless now and doesn’t want to play any game – so Arya monologues about their childhood dreams. Sansa wanted to be a Queen, to have fancy things and stand beside a handsome King, while Arya wanted to be a Knight and ride off into battle. As women, they didn’t have a choice in what ultimately happened to them – but Arya did come close. This is what the faces are – they are options for Arya to assume someone else's identity and live as another. All Arya would have to do to see what it’s like to live like Sansa and wear pretty dresses and be an entitled bitch is to take her face… and then she hands Sansa the knife she picked up, and walked away. I suspect Arya left the faces where they could easily be found, so she could further terrorize Sansa. Again: I acknowledge that Arya is veering into Hannibal Lecter territory, but I still feel like Sansa needs to check her privilige. I wonder if Sansa will keep quiet about the faces the same way I’m sure Arya will keep private the note. Probably not – Arya made it clear she could kill Snasa and assume her identity. I can hear the pro-Sansa people complaining that this rivalry feels forced, and I’m inclined to say that it does feel a bit fake considering the Fellowship literally saw dudes who were once attemptimg to kill the other in relative harmony – but I think that’s because the season is so short and the tension hasn’t had much time to simmer between the two of them. Also – I don’t have a sister, but I know plenty of women who do, and it is entirely plausible that even after two women survived so much strife and adversity individually they could still harbor plenty of dislike and mistrust between them. That dynamic is very often perpetual, even when everyone else can see the folly in it but those sisters.

The ending to this epsidoe was a on/ two punch of heartswell and horror. Jon wakes up to Dany by his bedside, and his first reaction is to apologize for her loss. They hold hands and she says she isn’t sorry because she saw it was all for real and that they would kill the Night King together. Jon says “Thanks Dany,” and she bristles because in GOT, only one person called her that – her degenerate brother, Viserys. “How about ‘My Queen’ then,” he whispers, because Jon Snow is now a dashing lad in a trashy romance novel. “I’d bend the knee, but I’m half dead still.” She predictably melts at the submission – and then runs away because it’s become too intimate. She says he should get some rest, so he pretends to sleep until after she’s left.

*sigh* No #boatcest

We end back beyond the Wall, where the Night King as somehow gotten ahold of four giant sets of chains to haul Viserion’s carcass out of the lake. The whole concept of this episode was implausible enough – “let’s kidnap a wight, that’ll show Cersei!” but this was too much. Where the fuck did they get that much metal from!? The Wildlings have crude weapons, mostly repurposed from the Night’s Watch rangers they killed during raids. Completely farfetched. Alas - he touches V’s snout and just like that: the dragon wakes up, blue in the eyes. All those years of speculating who the ‘3 heads of the Dragon' were – we know now it’s Dany, Jon, and the Night King.

Next week’s finale will bring together our three intrepid monarchs to discuss the armistice to combat the Dead– I hope to Rhllor it’s not nearly as anticlimatic as I’m picturing in my head. I also hope that the question of whether ZombieViserion will breath ice or like, wightfire? will be answered. I still hold out hope for a possible Cleganebowl, in which the Hound faces off against his zombie brother (Christ, there are so many ressurected people on this show) the Mountain, and slays him.